Ready or not

It is only now, 3 weeks into my Global Fellows experience in Bolivia, that I feel I can even begin to process the craziness, the emotional, geographical whirlwind that has been the past month. Needles to say, blogging has taken a backseat on this journey so far — every moment has been so full and taken all my energy just to be present and take it all in. In the past 5 weeks, I finished finals, watched some of my first and best friends from college graduate, went home to Seattle, and attempted to see all other family and friends as I prepared to leave the country for the next 6 months. Unlike most of my global fellows classmates, I will not be returning home after my summer internship abroad. Instead, I will be staying in Latin America and making my way to Panama, where I will participate in a study abroad program for Fall quarter.

So the day I embarked for Bolivia was not only the day I began an incredible internship experience, but also the day I realized my dream of journeying through Latin America — for a time long enough to truly live, learn, work, explore, and become fluent in Spanish.

I have dreamt of living in Latin America ever since I started learning Spanish in 6th grade, when an amazing teacher sparked my enchantment with the language and the cultures it was apart of by telling fascinating stories of her own travels. Since then, everything south of the U.S. — Mexico border has captivated my interest and awaited my discovery.

Having this dream finally come true in the past two weeks, after anticipating it for the past 11 years, has been overwhelming to say the least. The past month has been full of excitement, but also a lot of worry, doubt and anxiety. Am I really ready for this?! Just thinking about all the unknown unknowns that I would encounter was enough to make me slightly nauseated. How does one prepare for the unknown??! Can I ever really, truly be prepared for what I will encounter on my travels?

It got me thinking about something I heard from Dolores Huerta, activist and companion of Cesar Chavez, not to mention coiner of the phrase “Si Se Puede”, when she came to speak at SCU a few years ago. She said that the reason there is such a large gender disparity in leadership positions is that — generally — men will take on positions and opportunities with the confidence that they can handle it, whereas women tend to want to be completely prepared before starting anything — and this is what holds us back.

I think maybe the one thing you do need to be prepared for any situation is simply the confidence that you can handle whatever it brings.

Well time was passing more quickly than my gain in confidence, but June 28th was my scheduled departure date, and I was getting on a plane, regardless of how I felt.

…Or was I???…

While checking in for my flight at SFO, 45 minutes before takeoff of the first of 3 flights en route to Cochabamba, Bolivia, the ticket agent informed me that I could not check in without a return ticket out of the country, which did not have due to not having solidified my post internship/pre — study abroad plans. Panic arose in my chest, where my breath oscillated from shallow to non-existent. My biggest fear was manifesting before me. I wouldn’t even make it to Bolivia due to my lack of preparation!

The ticket agent told me I had 10 minutes to find a ticket out of the country. Karen and I whipped out our phones and frantically searched, finding a bus ticket to Cuzco, Peru, for $45 dollars and purchasing it as fast as our fingers could enter my credit card information. After many more questions and dubious expressions made by the ticket agent, they finally checked me in and we ran to catch our flight.

As I sat in my seat aboard the plane and began to breathe normally again, I felt waves of gratitude. First, for simply being on the plane. Then, for having an amazing global fellows partner — thank you, Karen, for being so calm, cool and collected while I was freaking out! And then, for having this amazing opportunity to work, live, and study abroad, and for learning at the very beginning what this adventure truly requires — adaptability and a willingness to face the situation you’re in, to take what is thrown at you with the confidence that you can handle it and an “it’s going to be ok” kind of attitude (thank you for that, Karen!). Si se puede!