What Have I Gained?

As the end of this incredible journey fast approaches, I started thinking about home. An idea that has so many different meanings now, when I use it I feel the need to add a footnote explaining which home I’m talking about. Home is this funny little PG we have grown to love and be comfortable in, and all the beautiful women we have formed friendships with. Home is the summer camp that I have been going to for 10 years and for the first time since I was 11 I missed it, but still felt the love from that home and that family from across the world. Home is Utah because it’s where I grew up, it’s a part of who I am. Home is wherever my sisters are, because home is where the heart is. Home is Santa Clara, the place that has allowed me to grow and find the person I so desperately was searching to be. Home is so many different places now, but they all have the same significance, all of my homes have given me something that I needed to grow, to develop into the person I am today. Utah gave me the shelter I needed to find my own strength. Camp gave me the ability to see my worth. My sisters have and continue to give me constant unconditional love and support. Santa Clara gave me a place where I could finally plant my roots, a place where I was academically, physically, and emotionally nourished. And India. What is it that India has given me?

I was having such a difficult time putting words to my feelings. To the change I have felt within myself. I was trying so hard to put a specific word to what I have gained and learned from my time here in India but no words were coming to mind. I was so frustrated at myself, at my inability to explain how I felt, that I started questioning my time here.

But, as my amazing counterpart reminded me, I’m going to be changed on a level beyond the surface. Beyond something that can easily be defined by a word. It’s going to be a change so deep within me that I won’t be able to explain it to people with a sentence or two. It’s not just something I can list out saying this is what I gained in India. Because it’s not a change that has happened merely because of what I’ve experienced and seen within myself, or the situations I found myself in and how I learned from those, it’s also the people I’ve grown to love during my time here. The people I’ve met, and am lucky enough to be heartbroken over having to say goodbye to, have taught me more than they may ever know.

Sowmya:

She goes out everyday overflowing with love, compassion, and confidence. And from her I’ve learned if you do that you can accomplish anything. This woman who has been our advocate, mom, protector, teacher, and boss is an unstoppable force of nature. She has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met and I have yet to meet anyone who can say no to this remarkable woman. She has taught me an endless list of things but I think the most important thing is to go out into this world and just love it with all that you have. Don’t ask for permission or expect to be shown how to, just do it. Love the world in your own unique beautiful way and you will end up exactly where you need to be.

Nidhi, Vanshika, Orati, and Teju:

Friendship is the most beautiful language. Across cultures, Leah and I have made friends with the most remarkable women on our floor. They have helped us when we were confused, taught us new games, laughed with us, and accepted us into their lives with open and loving arms. They have taught us that there are no “thank-you’s” or “sorry’s” in friendship. The complete and pure kindness of these amazing women, demonstrated with every interaction we have had, makes me want to continuously better myself. They taught me the true benefit of being warm to your fellow human being. I don’t have the words to truly explain how much I am going to miss these girls because I don’t think I know just how much that will be until we leave.

Ajay:

A man that started out as a complete stranger who we went on a weekend trip with has ended up being one of the most impressive people I’ve met here. Not only has he taught me more than I ever could have asked for with his vast knowledge about India’s culture, spirituality, and food, but he taught me about the true kindness and generosity of the Indian people. This man is a selfless giver and I hope to become just a fraction of how generous he is. I am so incredibly lucky to have met someone who is so willing to share India with Leah and I because I have learned more from him than any book could have ever taught me.

Yuva:

A guy who I thought was going to be just another Prafull Oorja yoga therapist turned out to be one of my closest friends that I’ve met here. He accompanied us on every adventure, he gifted us every mango we devoured, and every day there was another long discussion about life and friendship. And he’s taught me a lot about love. I have always been bad at goodbyes, they tear my apart, because separating from the people that you love is the most painful thing. But the ability for people to love as deeply as they do, to form bonds with complete strangers as quickly as we all have, is a remarkable thing and makes that painful aspect of a goodbye worth it. Because friendship, especially friendship around the world, is a beautiful thing that should be impossible to say goodbye to.

Auto Drivers:

Have faith in humanity. While sometimes bargaining is necessary, and the driving is terrifying almost 100% of the time, they are people too and most of the time they just want to get you from point A to point B. They want to know about where you are from, at times your religious background, and maybe even some pointers on their english but very rarely are they trying to rip you off. So have faith. Faith that people are good. Faith that you can trust your fellow human being.

Prafull Oorja Students:

I have never met a group of happier, sweeter, or more loving kids in my life. Every single day they come in with the biggest smiles on their faces and can’t wait for yoga class to begin. On our second day they had already recognized us and ran up with outstretched arms. They are always ready to help their fellow students, or even us, when we aren’t doing the stretches exactly right. These amazing kids demonstrate that there is so much love to give and so many reasons to be happy that there really is no point in not enjoying every single day as it comes. They astound me daily and I am so lucky to have been able to see them grow and progress over these past 8 weeks.

Women at Prafull Oorja:

I think it must be a requirement to be some of the most wonderful human beings in order to work at Prafull Oorja because every single person we work with is remarkable. I feel so incredibly lucky to have such a strong group of people to look up to. Most of the people here came to the organization in a similar manner and from similar backgrounds. They left their corporate jobs, found yoga, and then stumbled upon Prafull Oorja. Not only is their kindness, love, and dreams of growth for Prafull Oorja something to admire, but they all truly live by the saying: “follow your heart”. It is the scariest thing in the world to leave the comfort of money to go after what makes you happy but they all did it. And they continue to live happy lives, working for the happiness of others, and that is a beautiful thing.

Leah:

And again words fail me. Because the girl who started out as a complete stranger, someone who I was so intimidated by, a person who I was scared would be sick of me by the end of this trip, is now one of my best friends and I don’t have enough words to truly explain everything she’s taught me. Many of the things that I’ve learned about myself are because of her, because she could see things that I couldn’t see myself. Spending 24 hours a day with someone for two months straight, you are bound to pick things up from them, and I hope I have because Leah is a remarkable person and to share some of those amazing traits would be an honor. Even though it took us traveling across the world to do so, she is a friend I am glad I found.

So no, I don’t have a word, or something specific within me that I can say “This trait of mine, that is what I gained from my time in India.” Because that’s just not how it works. Every fiber of my being has been touched by this place and the people I’ve been surrounded by. It’s impossible to pick out just one specific thing. I have been uncomfortable and I’ve experienced every emotion imaginable and I’ve fallen in love with the people I’ve met during my time here and that’s all changed me to my very core. So what have I gained? I think a lot. It’s changed my life, so I can’t just say one thing. In so many subtle ways it’s changed me.