Excitement Comes with Anxiety
If I were to make a list of the “Top 10 Times I’ve Been Nervous,” they would all probably have happened immediately before big rugby games. No matter how many times I put on my jersey and step on to the field, I still get the same feeling of anxiety before kickoff. This is not necessarily a bad thing; the nervousness keeps me sharp and focused, but it doesn’t make me feel any better until the whistle blows and the game gets underway. For me, traveling is the same way. I hate the buildup before a long trip, because it forces me to contemplate too many things at once. I would rather just get on the plane and get the damn thing over with. In the past two weeks, between finals and graduation and moving out, there has been too much chaos to really think about India. But now I’m here, packing my bag and squirming in anticipation to just get the journey underway. I surprisingly have no qualms about traveling to a country which I have never been to and know very little about. In fact, these two factors had arguably the biggest justification for why I should go there, over traveling to a country that I had been to before. I think that the prospect of spending six weeks in India is an extremely exciting opportunity, albeit a daunting one. But the anxiety to get underway seems to be currently consuming any thoughts I have for the adventure itself. Along with most things in life, excitement drives us to try new things and dive in to experiences, but with it come the gnawing feelings of nervousness and anxiety. What if I miss my flight? Did I put my passport in my bag? Is my toothpaste container too big? You know, things like that. In the past ten weeks, so much work has gone into the Global Fellows process that I want to tell myself that nothing will go wrong; but logic has nothing to do with emotion. It is emotion that drives us to pursue our impulses, and emotion always has its ups and downs, and the excitement of going to India brings with it anxiety and the fear of the unknown.
