Unconditional Love
This week I had my 21st Birthday in The Gambia. Thinking back, I remember when I was first accepted into the Global Fellows program and I literally had an “ohmygod I’m turning 21 in The Gambia” moment. It was definitely the last thing I would have ever imagined for this long awaited date, and honestly, I wasn’t thrilled. During my time here leading up until my birthday I tried not to think about it, and held little expectation.
The morning of my birthday, I actually felt super weird. Every birthday in my life had been spent in the United States, amongst my closest friends and family. Waking up under my mosquito net, not having the usual people around me, and not having a hug or at least a text from my mom (because the internet was down half the day) was tough. Yet, it quickly became not only one of the most memorable birthdays, but one of the most pivotal days in my life.
Since my first day at Starfish, there has been nonstop talk about “unconditional love.” It’s the foundation on which Starfish was built upon, and it flows seamlessly through everything here. From the moment I set foot on the Starfish campus, I have been welcomed, accepted, and loved in a way that initially struck as something so incredibly foreign and odd, but now, offers me immense peace and comfort. In the United States, we live in a culture where people are just existing in their own worlds, completely disconnected from the society at large. We rarely know our neighbors, let alone the people in our communities. We don’t take the time to check in on one another or hold conversations with people that we don’t know. We walk with eyes fixed, straight ahead, so unaware of our surroundings and the people who occupy it. It’s a cultural nuance that actually drives me crazy. Because of that background, I’ve actually struggled here to fully accept that people genuinely care and love me, for me. I did a lot of second guessing, wondering if it was a façade, if there was a catch. This unconditional love thing made sense conceptually, but didn’t fully register until the day of my birthday, and it has been one of the most beautiful gifts I have received.
After I finished teaching my Public Health class for the day (which has been going incredible), I was sat down in front of a large room filled with all of the Starfish girls, mentors, and volunteers. Per usual, nobody told me what was going on, so I just sat there in the middle of everyone’s excitement, slightly uncomfortable and not a huge fan of being stared at. It ended up being a surprise birthday celebration, Starfish style. Everyone sang Happy Birthday to me, which kick started the emotions. Then, Starfish girls started coming up individually to me to share what they learned from me, what they liked about my class and me as a teacher. Some of the girls I have formed the closest bonds with, including my namesake, came forward and shared what they loved about me as a person. They dedicated beautiful songs and recited heartfelt poems to me. Emotions were running high and I was seriously trying to hold it together. Right after the ceremony, I was rushed out and told that “we were going somewhere” and that I NEEDED to hurry up. I honestly just wanted to isolate myself for 10 minutes to check my phone and birthday messages… but, I just sucked it up and went along with it. We walked to a beautiful home in town, and turns out, it was a surprise birthday party, I couldn’t believe it. Once again, the serenading began. There were more songs, poems, and about 10 of the mentors and volunteers shared what they loved about me as a person. I was slowly turning into a mess
It all just seemed so unreal. The waterworks I had been suppressing finally came through and I was smiling so much to the point that my cheeks were actually hurting. It was happiness in its rawest form, and an overwhelming feeling of pure love. I wasn’t used to being praised and appreciated in this way, and definitely not to this extent. I wasn’t sure if I had had that sort of impact on people, and it honestly wasn’t my main intention to do so. My main goal was to be present in the lives of the Gambians and learn as much as I could from them. So to have had that impact on people in three short weeks seemed surreal.
When I was asked at my birthday celebration to share my thoughts, I was at a loss for words. I just couldn’t believe where I was at the moment. In what has easily been the most difficult year of my life, there was so many moments where I just wanted to be done. I told myself I couldn’t handle more, yet, the blows kept coming. I was pushed to the breaking point, but somehow I made to that living room, taking in that beautiful moment with the best of people. I had made it through, and I had made it to The Gambia.
I’ve put forth the most authentic, genuine version of myself during my time here. I have opened up my life, deepest thoughts, and feelings to these people, and with surprising ease. I’ve shared my story, my past. I have cried and I have laughed. To be in this place and hear the beautiful comments that were shared with me on my birthday were a testament of my journey this year and everything I have overcome. I truly believe that everything in our life happens for a reason and I wouldn’t go back and change a thing, because it led me to this incredible place. Right now, in this moment, I feel the most alive I have ever been. Next year on my birthday, wherever I may be, I’ll probably feel weird that I’m not in The Gambia.
