7 days
Why is it that the things we are most excited for are those that are most surreal? Is that a universal aspect of human nature? The constant cat-and-mouse game we play has tricked us into seeing the rat above all else, ignoring the addicting dynamic of the chase that holds the two together. Were we created to be seekers above all else?
Or is it just me?
I’m restless, caught in the dreamlike state induced by the first real dregs of summer. For me, that means going home — away from the world I’ve created for myself at Santa Clara — and back to the only place I’ve ever really known: Kelso, Washington.
It’s a small town, right on the Columbia river. Time moves differently here, slower. Each time I return, I’m torn between thinking that nothing’s changed and realizing that everything’s changed because I have. It’s a curious sensation, and one without name though frankly it deserves one, to be a burgeoning adult in a child’s bed knowing that it used to be yours.
It is in this very room that I dreamt of far-off places and adventure, telling myself that I would one day live it while simultaneously wondering if I ever really would. I slip back into old habits and, in a strange turn of events, Morocco now seems closer to me than California.
I want to know how the air tastes, how it smells. I want to feel the pulse of a country so different from my own and seize the opportunity in every beat. For all the unknown that lies ahead of me, I can truthfully say that I am not worried; there is more to be gained than lost in the search for experience.
That being said, I packed six pairs of shoes for this four week experience. I berated myself even as I laid them in my 10-year-old Smithsonian, somehow acknowledging and justifying the extravagance of the action at the same time. I hope that, at some point, there will be a moment in Morocco where I am taken aback by the frivolousness of this simple decision, where I am humbled enough to truly grasp the humanity to which I am privy.
It is that connection that I want to fuel my personal growth and relationship with the culture. I cannot say what I hope to learn specifically, quite frankly I find it limiting to even try. The process will unfold organically, of that I am sure. In the meantime, I plan on accumulating as many once-in-a-lifetime stories that come my way.
My intention for this journey is to understand the world as the Moroccans do and to know the “why” behind every name. Maybe in doing so, I’ll refine mine as well.
