Bernardo Draws Manhattan
My job was to roam around Earth collecting random losers. The more pathetic the better. I’d spend countless hours searching for the right kind of misfortunate soul. Then I’d bring them back to my clinic and fix them up. I always returned them to Earth, unharmed, with some special talent they didn’t have before.
I took great pride in my work. Not to brag, but I was the impetus behind hundreds of Earth’s most notable figures. Bono, for instance: all me. You should’ve seen that little mutt roaming around the south side of Dublin before I got to him. That transformation made me a legend. I even gave him the silly idea to call his band U2. The folks up at headquarters still rave about it.
During my entire career, there wasn’t an Earthling schmuck I couldn’t whip into shape. On the cusp of retirement, I was one flip away from breaking my syndicate’s record for the most no-name-to-celebrity conversions.
Snapping the record would prove more difficult than I thought. With just a few days left before retirement, I had time for only one more abduction. The one I set my eye on was named Bernardo.
Bernardo was homeless. He lived on the streets of Manhattan. From what I could tell, he spent most of his hours with lumps of charcoal in his hand, scratching away at whatever paper he could find, sketching everything he saw, like some madman…
