Doctors
Ophthalmologist
Colorectal
Gastrointestinal
Special Care clinic
Geneticist
Neurologist
It’s too much
Too many names to keep track of
And too many demands to abide by
I know they will help me
I know they will make life easier for me
But why does it seem like they are making life more complicated
Calculus
English
Physics
And biology already have my attention
How can I focus on school and health?
Why do I have to think about living while my classmates are ignorant?
Blood tests
Stool tests
Calculus tests
English tests
Urin tests
All things that I know
With every result I am shown my strengths
With every answer I am shown my weaknesses
My mind spins like a carousel trying to remember the answers to all
When I should be thinking about my health I think about my next homework assignment
When I should be remembering the answers for a test I am thinking about the results of another test
How can I be expected to keep them straight?
How can I be expected to forget and focus on the task at hand?
I am not a robot
I have feelings and I get anxious
I am unable to disassociate one part of my life from another
Blood work and needles no longer scare me
And words like biopsy and chronic have been apart of my dictionary since elementary school
Learning prescription names just to leave them behind
In order to learn a new name
Nothing works
So the cycle continues
This is my life
This is the card I was dealt
And I can handle that, if I just knew how to play it
I am told how to live and what to do by everyone in my life and yet I still have not won
So what is it that I am doing wrong?
Am I cheating in some way?
Am I destined to lose?
Is my life meant to be a 9 o’clock news story?
Am I being punished for not knowing how to play the game?
But who does know how to play the game?
In this manic world who could possibly know all the rules?
Who could remember all of them?
It certainly is not I
And yet with each passing day, I am learning my limits
And maybe, just maybe, my limits will show me the rules
And if not at least I will know what I am capable of doing
So the next time I am challenged I will remember how to fight.
