Eulogy
It’s been a whole year without you.
Without your touch.
Without the warmth that you made me feel.
Not only with every hug but deep down in my soul.
Like a blanket fresh out of the dryer on a frigid winters day.
My skin tingles without you, remembering how you felt up against me.
How you wrapped me tighter than anyone else, as if you were afraid to lose me.
My nose smells your fragrance when there is nothing else to smell.
That sweet cleanliness that lingers.
I still hear your laughter so vividly.
The visceral sound that you always made.
Like you deemed anything to be funny based on how much your body moved.
My heart beats melancholy without you to invigorate it with laughter.
My heart throbs thinking about telling you something interesting, and then, remembering that I cannot tell you.
I know it is selfish of me to want you back.
You would be in pain and unable to be yourself.
But how can I be myself without you?
How can I laugh and not hear you?
How can I read and not think of you?
How can I study and not think of you?
How can I play cards and not have your help to win?
How can I?
Give me a potion or pill to forget you.
For never having you in my life would be better than never seeing you again.
Because at least then I would never know what I am missing.
