Fondly, I become
Bathed in basement black light
He approached me — noticed —
Me.
I loved the attention
Could feel the warmth of his grey blue eyes right through 20 lbs of excess weight that he didn’t seem to mind.
He rowed crew —
ate dry lettuce to cut weight —
even when he was exhausted and hungry
he was never cross or short.
He’d wrap his long limbs around me and pull me in close where
I’d sing him to sleep.
A California blond washed up on the Michigan shore —
freshly showered —
a smile so bright and kind.
He took me home to his parents,
snowshoed around Lake Erie.
trudged through the thick blanket of snow that tucked us in together at night.
We woke up to eat chocolate cream donuts on Saturdays and promptly went back to bed.
And I loved him.
Until I didn’t.
He had a large Roman nose
a broad, brown back inked
with ‘ex nihilo’
framed by a cherub resting mischievously on the clouds.
He was Richard III
I was Lady Anne —
he seduced me and slayed me at once.
So talented and funny that I forgave him
even when he threw himself on my car hood so I couldn’t drive away.
He kept a hedgehog named Clarence.
In his tiny upstairs room was a little rotating paper lantern that cast luminaries on the ceiling.
We crushed up Ritalin into lines —
Snorted in energetic life —
Gazing up
we’d forget about the world outside his door
cause nothing could be easier…
than this.
Roadtripped it to Houston to meet his mom and sisters,
Went back to where he found his dad
dead
face down down and nose smooshed like clay when he was only a young —
man —
Barely.
And I loved him very much.
Until I didn’t.
He had curly brown hair
rich and touchable before Harry Styles cornered that market
He wore a mischievous smile —
Always —
he knew we could get into some trouble.
And so did I.
Trading suggestions across the table at the Peanut Barrel while he was with another girl — a girl I knew —
Well.
Wasn’t long before we were the couple everyone knew would never be apart
You get one you get the other —
For better
and worse.
Staying up til 6am talking or fucking
Sleeping til 4 in the afternoon and even then our bodies could barely move
Couldn’t get enough of the
flesh and fire
and fear or being —
alone —
Tucked away in his basement room
no one knocked
the world knew we wanted no part
surfacing only when we got hungry.
He loved to dance and sing — - take magic mushrooms and soak in a concert in the park
Drowsy summer days and hallucinogenic haze
We bought a pug and fed him roast beef
And played the happy family for a few years —
Sex and Sunday papers.
And I loved him very much.
Until I didn’t.
Until I couldn’t
Any
More.
Her dark espresso hair
Joan Jett fringe
that just barely brushes her finely shaped clavicles,
A dusting of freckles on her chest,
Roots of soft grays line her part
That hovers above soft crows feet
And deep smile lines that tell the story of how much she loved to laugh…
still loves to laugh
even though her smile is only partial
gapped and waiting for a new crown
And the skin on her neck,
above her knees, and elbows
isn’t as taut as it used to be
and new sun spots simply weren’t there yesterday
Her bellybutton’s shape is more oblong these days
And her breasts lack the perk and bounce from before breastfeeding babies
But her arms and legs are strong
Her mind and heart are open
And every man she ever loved…
And now I speak
I have something to say
I am proud
I am grateful
I am —
Becoming.
And I love me.
Very much.
