how to disappear: step 4

wash yourself in holy water

they say you’re a sinner
but you’re just sick of playing nice
you’ve been around the block 666 times
and even saints need a break sometimes
they’ve called you every name in the book
given you every dirty look
so you side-eye back
hold your head up high
and even if you sing like an angel,
bet they’d still call you a hooker.

-

you, you’ve swallowed all your sins
nearly choked on their way down
broke all your bones
shed all your skin
washed your whole body in holy water
just to forgive yourself for what you’ve done
in cold-hearted murder
you’ve killed a thousand souls
cheated and won the game
no wonder they pray you away at night
but it only makes you more famous.

-

infamous
maybe that’s what you are
favoring power in place of purity
for so long you believed it was better
to be feared than loved
when you should’ve just believed in god
dismembered bodies at your feet
shallow graves dug so carelessly
maybe they really belong to you
each death a lesson in letting go
killing off the parts of you
that make others uncomfortable.

-

you’re done spending life wondering
if you’re devoid of sanctity
because life in itself
contaminates all things good in this world
just look at the catholic church
the pews filled with people
with bloody hands dripping
making puddles all over the painted floor
lord, are you there?
but he never talks back
maybe you could learn a thing or two
maybe that’s the thing
locking you out of heaven
you say what’s wrong way too loud
while all of god’s children stay silent.