lovesick

all my life
i’ve loved in large doses
felt the medicine go down
and cure every ailment
loneliness, the most serious condition
wanting, the most fatal infection
lying, dying in an empty bed
and I would give up a kidney
for a kiss on the forehead.

-

stage 5 cancer
the kind that is clingiest
pulling at your pant leg
like I did when I was young
never grew out of wanting to be carried
even if your back is breaking
pick me up off the floor
and maybe i’ll shut up
you wouldn’t leave a sick child
out there in the wild
and I’m so lovesick
and weak
that I never grew up.

-

i’ve read every article
on how to get rid of it
this illness that spreads
to each and every bone
stayed up all night
trying to get it right
the impossible feat
of sleeping alone
I wish for that red button
the one that answers
every one of my emergencies
they include but are not limited to:
sunday mornings, walks in the park,
going to the store when I need more
salt or pepper or hair ties or shampoo.

-

all this to say,
maybe i’ll live to see the day
where I stand on two feet
and be strong and healthy
and get through a year
without living in fear
of no one calling me baby
but until then i’ll beg
i’ll whine and i’ll pray
please one more kiss
on the place where i’m hurt
to make all the pain
just go away.