Pain(t)ed Sunflowers

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

I remain seated
From dawn to dawn
The neighbour’s couch
Swallows me in while I
Pretend to tip-toe on quicksand
I watch as the day turns
Orange Blue Gold and Pink
I wait till the owls go to sleep
And till the moon disappears
I stare at the walls now, fans
Are too alive preparing for summer
I open the windows and shut
Them again
Scared the light would
Beckon me outside
I type Unhealthy
To my search bar
I write them down
Next to check boxes
People say I am but
Trying slow suicide
I wish someone would tell me
If it is true
I don’t cry into my pillow
I don’t throw things around
I can’t bring food near me
I can’t bear the voice
Of another speak
I spiral
I drown
The water washes over me
My eyes are painted blue now
And I wait
And I wait
And I wait
Wait for it to end