people pleaser

said you were a people pleaser
boy, look who’s pleased now
maybe it’s the guy on the subway
watching me choke back tears
on my way to work
bet i look like the funniest joke
the one who didn’t get the punchline
but felt every blow.

-

said you cared so much for me
but i just closed your lips
lord knows i’m good at lying
and they say ignorance is bliss
if you don’t say it
i’ll allow it
the way you drag me down to hell
each time you kiss my tears
could’ve sworn that’s what love is
but i was just hallucinating
your whole body here with my body
for another wasted year.

-

wasted so much life
bending over backwards
to fit a role that wasn’t mine
yet still you act so surprised
when i break character
and mix up all my lines
guess i’m not as great an actor
and you’d win an oscar for your performance
as the one who’s by my side.

-

said your heart is breaking
just as much as mine
but the match is in your hand
and so is the gasoline
and i’m so gaslit i really thought
that one day you’d finally
make up your mind.

-

just call it -
end my days
swore i couldn’t let you in again if i tried
but here i am on my bathroom floor breaking
and my door’s cracked open
and i called you twice
and even if i screamed there’s fire
you still wouldn’t care
if i lived or died.

-

when you said you pleased people
now i get what you meant
people so addicted to hurting
you feel so familiar to them
and i’m no better than the others
i’ve had scar tissue since i was born
you’d bet the world would be kinder
but i keep running towards flames
and turning away water
so who’s to say if i deserve it
i see your loving chaos
and it looks just like
home.