Member-only story
Putin’s Pet
(Advice From One Dictator To A Wannabe One)
Given the Congressional Hearings on the Insurrection of January 6th, I thought it would be appropriate to resurrect this piece that was written during the dark days of the previous administration.
Dear Donald,
Here are some observations that might prove helpful with your current challenges. First, the riots viewed properly, can be a real opportunity for you.During the next round of protests, do whatever you can to make sure they are violent. Then have a photo-op with you carrying an AK-47 in your hands. That would be a more believable symbol than you carrying a bible. You Americans love your super heroes, and who better than you to be portrayed as the protector of their freedom to pursue peace and quiet by exercising their right to use force to assure it.After all, the true American patriots, the NRA crowd, need to be reassured that you will never let them down.
As for the Christian fundamentalists, they are yours no matter what you say or do. Being anti-abortion will always work with them without them ever realizing that you are not pro-life. Only a genius like yourself could be a serial adulterer, an overt racist, a male chauvinist, a defender of the rich, and an enemy of the downtrodden, while still being loved by many Christian ministers and their flocks, sheep indeed.
Donald,a word of caution, let someone else answer any religious questions thrown your way. Despite what your father told you, the Ten Commandments are not an NRA manifesto, and the Eight Beatitudes are not a punk rock group.
Old friend, it would be all right to admit that fired by righteous anger, you once misspoke. It will make you appear more human, and will deflect unjust criticism of your occasional lapse into exaggeration of facts.
As for Covid-19, unfortunate timing,but you have to better control the message and the data so people don’t fully appreciate how bad it has really been. . You had the right idea at the beginning, minimize the whole thing.Keep stressing that it has been mostly old and disabled people who are dying, and how much longer did they have to live anyway. You have to control your states better. For them to be giving out death totals greater than the ones we are disseminating for all of…
