POETRY

slow the fuck down

…

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

where ya runnin’ to
so hard?
and whatcha runnin’ from
anyways?

is it the noise in ya head
so loud
ya forgot to listen
to yaself instead?

what’s that bangin’
endless drummin’
in ya skull?
so hard ya can’t even

sit still

did ya forget where
ya was goin’
’cause ya got scared an’
stuck in flight?

now ya can’t stop
for a minute and just breathe

for a while

ya can’t outrun
yaself
the past,
the present

nor the fear

ya can’t hide
from it
neither
hopin’ it’ll disappear

so slow
the fuck down
why
dontcha?

in fact just stop and sit with it

for a while
and stare right
into the void of
that muthafucker’s eye

until it weakly subsides

put a funny hat on it
dress it up in carny gear
with all those bells and whistles
they shoulda gave ta You

here
the dissonant
music
of the fair

can ya hear
that cacophony
ain’t even your
own orchestra?

it never was

point at it
with your middle finger
if you must
fucking laugh at it out loud an’ tell it

straight up!

ya don’t scare me
and fuck off anyway
why
dontcha?

that tune is gettin’ old

and it
never was
a part
of my playlist

you don’t belong
there

”You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Adverse childhood experiences can result in PTSD & C-PTSD. A person left with this relational or developmental trauma, may have an overly stressed nervous system response which sends their system into fight/flight mode unnecessarily.

This can display as anti social behaviour (fight), anxiety (flight), co-dependence (fawn), or depression (freeze).

Learning to sit and observe the physical sensations that arise during these flashbacks/fight-flight episodes, and allowing the original memories to arise with curious detachment, will process the trauma and reduce the “triggers” over time.

Take it slowly. The only way out is straight on through. There is nothing to be afraid of.

And there is nothing “wrong” with you.

Thanks for your reading time

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