stained
I can’t believe
I let you touch me
and let your poison
get on me
I scrub and scrub
but i’m stained deep
my favorite t-shirt
my muddied jeans
everything caught up
and twisted between
what I thought was love
was only a dream
-
and even though
it was so long ago
it’s like I can still
feel you there
wrapping long fingers
through my lovely hair
lurking in shadows
when I think i’m alone
making love to strangers
and calling them home
I learned the worst
from you, you know
you taught me to shrink
and never to grow
-
now i’m just all broke inside
scared of you, myself,
and the secrets I hide
every day is a leap
towards whatever’s
bad for me
pill bottles empty
sheets unclean
phone calls from friends
I just let ring
and I can’t sleep
so maybe I’ll dream
my mind still finds you
that scar on your cheek
-
tired, I am so tired
and with you it was mania
kept me nice and wired
holes in the walls
3AM calls
unfair brawls
and mistaken falls
I still feel the dent in my chest
who needs sleep
when you don’t need rest?
who do you call
when you’ve been through it all
and it didn’t break you
so no one can save you
they’ll only blame you
and he’ll still take you
it’s so, so sick
the way I hate you
-
hate you like home
and being alone
hate you like love songs
and cheap cologne
hate you til my dying day
I can’t believe
you made me pray
that if I have a little girl
i’ll lock her away
from the outside world
and keep her happy
naive and nice
what happened to me
will not happen twice.
