Up. Down. Repeat
Back and forth… Swing, swing… Up I fly in the sky, defying finitude. Shapeless and weightless like a cloud, I dissolve into nothingness, into everything. Breeze is my breath. My senses bond with every atom of my reality shell. I embrace the world and accept myself with all the waves and tides. I love you despite your buts and twists. Gliding through here, I choose now.
Down I’m pulled by the gravity of emotions. The firm ground below me crumbles into shards of disjointed, lost identities. The perpetuity of life complexities seeps into my blood through my armour-free skin. The wet red pump in my thorax pushes towards a dead end, ignoring lay bets and the futility of victory. The mirage of the destination. The toxic lock of when and if. The lump of should have squats in my hippocampus — revisit, relive, regret. The grey lens of the past tints the present with the blues that spill into the future and bleed doubt into my lungs. I cough up black clots of bitterness that turn your smile upside down. (Un)natural oscillations on the zebra-patterned timeline…
Rebelling against the downflow, I try to own the white stripes, encapsulate joy’s essence, freeze the sparkle in my eyes and never blink. Yet serenity seeps through my fingers like dry sand on an afternoon of feverish heat. The gold of the blazing subjugator sun leaves no shade, and I seek refuge in the dark corners of my mind.
Insight through contrast… White is dim without black. Shadow defines light. Ups with no downs are just a flatline.
The pale dot of the moon, cold but forgiving, exposes the duality of its beauty: the silver pearl cradling the sombre craters. Night covers the city with its dark blanket, sending the fire planet off to the east to brighten some far-away stipe in need of daylight.
© Masha Zubareva 2023
My sincere gratitude to Franco Amati and Scuzzbucket for giving space to my words.
