Where it all began
The hardest part is looking back
At all the time I’ve spent here
Acknowledging the hours put in
The tears cried
The sweat dripped
The stress held
The hardest part is acknowledging that I tried, and it didn’t work
That I tried to fit myself into this little box
Wrapped tightly in a corporate bow
With finely written script across the top
Every T crossed, and I dotted
While I dot my eyes
With visine as I smoke away the pain of losing my soul
The agony of filling shoes too small
To contain the entirety of me
Of chasing a bag too heavy to bare
Just by oneself
A necessity, necessary evil yet one of unfulfillment
A shiny object held by a wolf with a long stick
A shark really, ready to invest in anything but me
While I rotted away, creativity shrunk and shriveled
My time ticked and ticked
Clogging the arteries of imagination
Filling with my life’s blood, my heart, and my soul
Waiting to be cut open to leak out into this world and bring bright vibrant life to what’s been dull and grey for so long
When I was hung up
An unfairly tight noose around my neck
With the stool kicked right out from underneath me
I realized then, right then, that I had wings to save myself
I had locked away the place where it had all started
The imagination of a child who dreamt of a world so vast
A world yet to be explored
A world to be created and molded into that which his eye sought
One of life
Of adventure and thrill
Of love and laughter that fills the trees
Where the birds sing deeply
And the water so fresh it quenches this heat wave we’re having
One of No Money
No expectations of life
One of curiosity and creativity
filling every nook and cranny of cracked skin from the day spent in the dirt
I’ve longed for those days
I’ve worked for those days
But I forgot
I forgot that I’m the one who determines if I get to return to where it all started
Where my love of life began
And now here I am
With wings freshly formed
Beating, testing the air
Feeling how crisp and cool it is
How uncertain the sky might feel
But ready to return
To where it all began.
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Hi friends, I wanted to update you all that I’ve also started writing long form content on Substack! I recently left a job that was unfulfilling and not the right place for me.
I decided to lean into my passions, and try out a new style of writing. So I started a blog called the No Money Memoirs. I’ll still be posting here from time to time, and likely cross post content from Susbtack to this special community I have here — but if you’d like to follow along on my journey of funemployment, curiously exploring my relationship with this world, and my life in NYC, I’d love to have you!
Feel free to follow, subscribe, and interact with me on Substack!
One of my most recent posts (Friday), is all about my relationship with Creativity. I’d love for you to check it out. Read That Gut Feeling here.
I’d also love to hear from you and be your friend in the writer’s community so please reach out on Substack, OR if you’re in NYC — let’s grab coffee. Always down to meet new friends.
Much luv, Colin.
