The Most Important Lessons I Learned In College
Everyone Is On Their Own Path
This is definitely the hardest thing I learned in college. We’ve all heard the sayings- “life isn’t a race, it’s a journey”, “don’t worry about the person next to you”, etc. But when everyone is competing for the same internships, when everyone is trying not to get weeded out of classes, when [insert any other arbitrary comparison here], all of those sayings really just sound like a load of shit. It’s nearly impossible to not get sucked into the cycle of measuring your success based on others or charting your course based on what you think everyone else is doing. Playing the comparison game was not just frustrating but also detrimental to my mental health. It significantly affected how I measured my self-worth and made life feel like a checklist. But once some things started to fall into place, I took a step back and reevaluated. I’m never going to be happy if I constantly focus on other people as opposed to my own self-growth. While this is something I realize and accept now, putting it into practice is an ongoing process.
The World Isn’t A Meritocracy
Try as hard as you may, there will be things in life that you simply cannot achieve based on sheer will, determination and hard work alone. Did you apply to 20 internships and get zero offers, but XYZ applied to just one and got it because his frat brother’s dad knew someone? Really sucks, but that’s life and this will happen at pretty much every stage in life. There will be people that may have an unfair advantage over you in some situations. There will be times when you do the work and someone else gets the credit. There will be times when you really do give something your all but you still come up short- the list goes on. Of course, the hard work shouldn’t end, but its important to remember that there are a multitude of factors and variables at play in any given situation and there is really only so much in our immediate control. In a way, realizing this was liberating. It allowed me to reprioritize my energy and efforts into things which I was actually passionate about. The key is to find those things that are still worth working hard for despite what the immediate end result may be.
Community Is Essential
I’d heard the phrase “it takes a village” a million times, but going to college really emphasized it for me. College is a time of self-discovery, but it really does take a whole community to facilitate that process. I used to think that community was singular, that it meant one group of individuals. But now, I view it more collectively- a network of sorts. I found community within my clubs, I found community with my closest friends, I found community with my internship cohort- but broadly, these were individuals that I felt were my people. I didn’t share the same interests with everyone- some of us planned social justice conferences together and some of us went to poetry readings together. But they all contributed to my development in a significant way- they encouraged me to pursue my interests, they challenged me critically, they helped form me into the person I am today. I’ve learned to make an intentional effort to seek out and cultivate community wherever life takes me.
There Is Never A Perfect Time
For all of the instances that I pushed aside my interests or side projects to the side in lieu of a better time, that time never came. There has never been a time in which all of my other tasks, priorities and the stars were aligned just right so I could work on my creative pursuits. In college, it was the constant cycle of assignments, exams and extracurricular commitments. Now, it’s the daily work grind and everything else that goes along with attempting to figure out how to be a semi-functional real adult. But the point is, I’m never going to be gifted the perfect moment in time to do anything- I’ve got to create those moments and those opportunities for myself. Responsibilities and other circumstances are unavoidable, but amidst that, creating opportunities to do those things which nourish your soul is essential.
Invest In People
For me, the most important moments of college centered around simple interactions with people. Whether it was a chat with a friend at 2 a.m about our struggles to choose a major or ongoing correspondence with my research supervisor about my interests, the relationships that I was able to forge with people are what really got me through school. Despite being constantly surrounded by people and bombarded with things to keep me busy, college was incredibly lonely at times. I learned to become more comfortable sharing my vulnerabilities and concerns and in return, I learned how to be a better friend. Relationships are a two way street, and as I witness people investing their time and energy into me repeatedly, I am reminded to do the same for others. It is my conversations with people that left me with important and interesting new things to consider. It is their words which gave me comfort in times of need. It is their constant presence in my life that did and continues to, give me strength. When life is overwhelming, it is these relationships which anchor me and learning to recognize, value and nurture them has made me more fulfilled. So, make time for people, check in on your friends, thank a mentor, hug your mom.
