I’d like a pug. Photo: Matthew Wiebe

I want to make you Laugh

Photo: JD Mason

I want to make you cry

Photo: Silvain Reygaerts

I want to touch you

Photo: Ismael Nieto

I want you to understand what only mirth can tell you

Photo: Clem Onojeguho

I want to show you who I am

Photo: Carlos Alberto Gomes Iniguez

I want to be brave

I want to swim underwater

I want to feel the warm sunshine on my skin

Photo: Mahir Uysal

I want the smell the new-mown grass

Photo: Sandro Schuh

I want a pug

A horse would be nice too:

I want to help you to sew your own knickers:

I want my children to experience some of the amazing places, events and people that I have experienced

I want them to live useful lives, I want them to be strong, I want to be there for them, especially when or if they are lucky enough to have children of their own.

I want to reside in that place, you know, that place where everything is the way it’s supposed to be.

I want a summer house by the sea

Photo: Sergey Zolkin

I want a warm body in my bed at night

A warm body who can mesmerize me with his words, his brilliance, his vulnerability and his tenderness

I want to have great sex again

I want to feel connected to people

I want to touch you

I want to tell you that you don’t have to live this way anymore. I want you to live a life you never dreamed of, like I have.

I want Chris to tell me that he wants me and only me

I want to go back in time and tell myself to stop hoping that my mother will change

I want to tell that teenager who ran away on Christmas Eve 1978 to not go back. Not ever.

I want to go back to Malaysia (with all your corruption, double dealing and broken dreams, I am in love with you):

Photo: Paul Vincent Roll

I want to go back to Yosemite:

Yosemite. I want you to have this experience in your lifetime. I want to go back. Photo: Etienne Désclides

I want to read my stories aloud to rapt audiences

I want to be paitent.

I want to learn to spall korrektly

I want to have fortitude.

I want to be humble.

I want an oatmeal linen jacket

I want to learn to sew a dress

I want to be wanted and needed and loved

I want to be honest.

I want to write like the best writers on Medium.

I want to be true to myself

I want to recapture that feeling I had the day I found out I was going to have twins. I felt like I was the luckiest person alive:

I want to walk the Camino

I want to walk across Europe from Helsinki to Santiago de Compostela

I want to write to a couple of my schoolteachers to tell them how much they influenced me and how

I want a sun, sea and sand holiday with my children

I want to go to New York with my son.

I want to speak fluent Spanish

I want to speak Russian and Arabic and Mandarin or Cantonese

I want to read Kirkegaard

I want to “show ’em”

I want to get my body back, y’know, the one I wrote about back in April when I went to Crossfit three times a week before I lived, ate and breathed Medium:

I want to MEET people from Medium. Shake your hand, drink a cup of coffee, take you to Hija de Sanchez taco stand or show you around this city that I love so well:

I want to paint Gutbloom’s porch:

I want your attention. Thank you for giving me so much of it and for reading so far.

I want to decorate my home in bohemian style.

I want to be heard.

I want to sew beautiful things from the beautiful fabrics that I have accumulated in the short few years that I’ve been sewing

I want to make my own furniture

I want to grow my own vegetables

I want to return to the house overlooking the Atlantic that I grew up in and renovate it

I want to tell my friend S in Barcelona how much I miss him and how I never before or since met anybody who accepted me completely the way that he did

I want to eat dinner with him like we did so many times before and talk about our adventures. (Remember the cook with the bleeding hand out on the street? Remember the belly-dancer that didn’t show? Remember all those nights you played the role of the expectant father even though it was not your issue growing in my belly?)

I want to sit by a fire in the evenings and see the flames licking over the wood.

I want to heal my relationship with my sister and I don’t know how

I want to read the purple speech at my mother’s funeral

I want my legs to be tanned

I want fresh flowers in my house every couple of days

I want to help you find what is real

I want to help you find what is beautiful and worthwhile.

I want to smell the richness of rosemary

I want to smell the delicious summery scent of basil

I want to smile at strangers and be known

I want to play ALL of für elise.

I want to live rough, sleep in a tent in the wild

I want to tell you how lonely I am.