Dostoyevsky On “Friends-With-Benefits”:

You Waited Twenty Years — To Tell Me This?

“The hideous idea — revolting as a spider — of vice, which, without love, grossly and shamelessly begins where true love finds its consummation.”

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, “Tales from Underground”

Hello Amber,

I thought it was about time that I told you.

When we broke up, those many years ago, it was primarily because I had started taking more and more sleeping pills and nerve pills. This took off some time after my son died.

I didn’t seem to be able to do anything about it at the time and I just couldn’t get myself to tell you what I was going through and what I was doing. I was ashamed of myself. Cowardly way for me to act of course.

I was completely in the wrong. I have always wished that I could have been a better person. Sometimes I have been able to stand up and be counted, so to speak.

But when we were together unfortunately, I was at one of the lowest ebbs in my…