Don’t Listen to the Monkey
Lessons From a Year of Distance Learning
I once watched a Ted Talk about the battle between the rational part of my brain and the instant gratification monkey. The speaker said the monkey cares about two things: what is easy and what is fun. Responsibilities or deadlines go out the window to make room for relaxation. If I think about working on a thousand-word criminology essay, the monkey swoops in and says, “No. Let’s spend three hours watching true crime stories on YouTube because that sparks joy and essays don’t.”
The instant gratification monkey wasn’t a problem before online learning. Sure, I let the monkey take control occasionally when I didn’t want to write another essay on Things Fall Apart, but I always managed to finish my work ahead of time. I could still balance my time between school, The Aquinian and mental health breaks. But online school threw my system out of whack.
Most of my professors last year didn’t allow laptops or phones in class. Instead, we stuck to the old-fashioned pen and paper. While my fingers cramped from scribbling notes, I was glad that I was away from my laptop. The instant gratification monkey would have told me to ditch the lesson plan and write Twilight fanfiction. Between my lack of willpower and my short-attention-span, I would have gladly listened to the monkey.
This year, cellphones and laptops replaced physical classrooms. For someone like me, who spent most of my time on the internet pre-COVID, online learning is a nightmare.
The digital world was a way for me to escape reality. I created an account on Quotev, a writing website where I could share my fanfiction. From Marvel to Hannibal, I spent most of my online time writing about my daydream adventures. The site also allowed me to connect with other writers. There, I met one of my best friends, Brianna Lash. With Quotev as my happy place, I spent a good chunk of my class time thinking about new fanfiction ideas I would tell Brianna after school. Now, I don’t have to wait until the final bell to message her.
Most of my courses do not have designated class times and more than half of my professors post their readings and handouts at the start of the week. Then, they fall off the face of the earth. This year, I do classwork at my own pace.
Back in September, the idea of planning my class schedule seemed like a great idea. I could grocery shop or vacuum any time I wanted since I didn’t have to plan around weird class schedules. But the longer the semester dragged on, the more I saw danger in a schedule-less semester. I found it impossible to say “no” to the instant gratification monkey.
Now that I spend most of my time on my laptop, the monkey chooses from a thousand procrastination possibilities. I don’t have a social media break. I’m always one click away from the monkey’s request to ditch the 300-page e-book and talk to Brianna about my latest Marvel ideas.
It’s not like I want to wait until the last minute to start working on my projects. But every time I look at Moodle and see these approaching deadlines, I can’t breathe. It feels like I’m trapped in a library, surrounded by endless piles of dusty books I need to read. The only thing that can save me from the claustrophobic feeling is listening to the instant gratification monkey. Still, even though the monkey might make it easier for me to breathe for a short while, the anxiety comes back with a vengeance as deadlines grow shorter and shorter.
I’m trapped in a vicious cycle of anxiety. School and deadlines make me anxious, so I turn to the instant gratification monkey for help. She eases the stress for a moment, but then reality kicks in and the anxiety returns. No matter how many times I go through the cycle, I can’t seem to break out. The monkey always wins.
Still, I can’t blame online classes or the monkey for my bad habits. I am the one in control. I make my own choices, and sometimes those choices hurt. Online classes just showed me the kinds of consequences I have to deal with when I constantly make bad decisions.
I am trying to change my procrastination habits. I’ve started rewarding myself for work. If I finish an essay, I can watch the latest episode of WandaVision. If I don’t finish the essay on my self-designated due date, I can’t watch.
Fighting against my instant gratification monkey isn’t easy, and I still have a way to go, but at least I’m trying. Maybe one day, the rational side of my brain will win.
