Therapist Helps, but You Need to Put in the Work
Hi, it's me. And yes, the title sums up everything I'm about to say. I do need to say that this is just my journey and my point of view so you are more than welcome to tell me about your experience.
The reason I even say this obvious thing in the title is because it was not that obvious for me as for years I've lived with the thought that my life would get better once I can afford therapy. It did and it didn't. Don't get me wrong, going to therapy is still the best decision I ever made and the only thing I love spending my money on, but, well, what's the issue then?
I've been seeing my therapist for a few months now and I love it, but it's hard. I just thought that all my problems would disappear because someone would take the time to listen to me and actually invest themselves to help me get my head straight. I thought that I would just pour my heart out and then spring back into everyday life feeling like a decent, loveable, confident, acceptable human being. But the reality is a bit harder than that.
So. I'm sitting with this therapist in a tiny room. She creates a very safe space to talk about whatever is on my mind. But she is a stranger. And what do I do with strangers? I overanalyze. I try to be liked. I minimize things and I laugh things off. I think this happens because in my mind this is what the society around me wants from me — nothing too complex. Anyway, I’ve noticed this and I've gotten better at it because I know that there is no point in me coming to these sessions if I'm not true to her or myself. So instead I now speak freely and overanalyze later :).
You know how it goes — when you speak it, you bring it into existence. And that is how I feel about everything I say in these sessions. Speaking about these things, I feel like I myself am putting a big stamp on my forehead for everyone to see me “for who I really am”. Almost as if I don't say them out loud, they are not true, just my imagination, right? Wrong, because if I keep those thoughts and emotions hidden, they take over my life in different ways and become my core existence. And I'm not even aware, I just walk this earth, thinking I'm a *negative thought*.
But now, thanks to therapy, I've started to differentiate what are those negative thoughts and when, and where they come from. It's a wild and twisted journey with ups and deep downs, but it's also a necessary one.
How come?
Just like when doing a spring cleaning — everything gets messy before it gets nice and sorted. I also get this feeling when emptying my e-bin. It feels like something is lifted, my mind gets clearer and I start to see the things that matter — like my computer desk in the cleaning scenario. And it is the same with therapy!
I am no expert and I haven't been doing this for too long but I feel like my days get lighter. Of course, there are still some trigger points in my day-to-day life and when they hit, I go down spiraling, adding the weight of “even therapy is not helping me, what — if something — will?”. But then there are good days. And by good days I mean, that I have some tools that I can use when hitting rock bottom to turn my mood around (I've shared them below).
Btw, I’m not going to a pro therapist that costs big bucks. I go to a psychotherapy student who is in their final year and is doing this as a special project for donations. Maybe you can find something like this where you live if you are anything like me and don’t have too much of extra money. It is still better than nothing at all because the thought of somebody being there for you when you feel weak is worth millions.
These are my tools so far:
- Journaling. Write at least a word. It usually ends with a full page and a tired wrist. But it helps you to get the “trash” out.
- Going for a walk. It's not rare that the only reason for me going outside is to get to the nearby store for a self-pitying “Ben & Jerry's”. It's for the heart you know? But quite often the fresh air and movement sneak in some good vibes for my mental state.
- Sleep. Go to bed early. If I feel like my eyes are half shut, but my brain is screaming for attention, and my heart is longing for love, I must just take a nap or go to bed early, just to give myself a restart. I almost never do this, but I know this helps.
- It's not me, it's you. For me, I take things personally and I overanalyze people's behavior, so reminding myself at that moment that somebody's attitude is about them, not me, makes life so much easier. Honestly. Remember to remind yourself of this.
- Drawing. I have a notebook to which I tend to turn to whenever I feel not important. I put on some movies or playlists in the background and I draw shapes. I connect them, I draw around them, and I color them in. Whatever. When I am sad, nothing too pretty usually comes out and that is okay. Don't judge, seriously. When I started this, I had to remind myself over and over, and over again that this drawing is for my eyes only, so there are no mistakes, “msitakes” are welcome. This helps me with accepting myself I think. Sometimes, after an ugly, emotion-filled drawing I get inspired for something beautiful.
- Singing or dancing. Not even leaving the room. Sometimes I'm singing along to some sad songs until I somehow end up sing-dancing to a happy beat and life is suddenly OK.
These are just some things you could try out and see how it goes even without a therapist. Just do your magic. You know you. When you feel good, create a list of your tools and when the sadness hits, just start doing something from the list without thinking. I think it is extremely important not to feel judged because sometimes even our closest and dearest people can't provide us with that.
Don’t get me wrong. I struggle with this myself. I don’t know the right answers just jet. Even this article is just another tool for me to help with my struggles. I just hope you can find something helpful here as well.
Gnight
