Writing Something Fn Honest — Inspired by The Whale
I'm not going to spoil the movie for those of you who haven't seen it, but as I saw it an hour ago, I'm feeling inspired to write something honest just before I go to bed.
The Whale is a 2022 drama directed by Darren Aronofsky, and written by Samuel D. Hunter, with Brendan Fraser, Hong Chau, Sadie Sink, and Ty Simpkins in the leading roles. It's a movie about an English teacher who understands life but is afraid of life misunderstanding him, so he hides away in his apartment. He understands literature and poetry. He sees the good in people and he tries to help his angsty daughter, who he hadn't met in years. And he encourages people to be honest.
And I understand him. The message of the movie — asking people to be honest at a time when almost everything is fake. Doing school work to please teachers. Dressing in a way to impress others. Adjusting tone of voice to manipulate others' perceptions. Putting makeup on to fit in. Not posting true and dear photos because — what might others think? Even making fun of others just not to be made fun of. Life, it's funny like that.
Anyway. Something fn honest.
- I'm avoiding doctors just because I'm tired of the loop I've been in since I started to seek help for my acne.
- I'm afraid of losing my parents before I achieve anything.
- I'm afraid when I'll be ready for kids, my parents won't be around, as well as my grandmother, and they won't have the chance to meet each other.
- I'm afraid to have kids because I'm afraid I won't be a good parent.
- The impact of the pandemic. I wash my hands for 20 seconds every time even before using the toilet. And I use disinfectant whenever I touch something someone else touched.
- I'm paranoid when I see people touching surfaces and then touching their faces or eating without cleaning their hands.
- I lost a family member a few years ago and I still don't know how I feel about it.
- I want to be somebody, but I have no idea where I'm going.
- I've dreamt about doing many things, but the more I try something out and accomplish my goals, the more life seems emptier so I'm afraid of reaching the end of my so-called bucket list.
- I probably have PMDD and I think I have no friends and my life is a struggle because of that.
- I think I'm ugly daily, but sometimes I think I look good.
- I'm afraid I've wasted my life so far, trying to please other people.
- I try extra hard to be nice, but I think I'm bad at it.
- When I say goodbye to someone I always fear this being the last time I get to meet this person.
- I lost my confidence pretty early on and I've been “faking it till making it” for years. And I'm tired.
- Quotes. Movies. Music. Other people. These things inspire me to try to be the real me, the honest me, not wasting time thinking about others' opinions. But when I do, I regret it. And it mostly comes out fake anyway. Because — trying not to hurt anyone's feelings. It's ok for mine to be hurt tho.
- Afraid of life = afraid of being disliked, unaccepted, made fun ok, being spoken to, being listened to, being invisible, being seen.
- Afraid of having power over other people.
- Afraid of having no power at all.
And I still think I can be something. Maybe I just need to be honest more.
Maybe.
Feel free to add your honest thoughts in the comments.
Gnight
