Better Than a First Kiss

Earlier this afternoon, I decided to go on a bike ride. I put on my headphones, played the first song on my playlist, and rode off. As I did this, I noticed something. For the first time in weeks, I was smiling.

I am NOT saying that I have been clinically depressed. I have remained jovial. I have still been laughing and cracking jokes. I have still been having fun—mainly at the expense of Mommy (my mother-in-law) and Melissa (my co-worker).

But the smile I had on my face this afternoon was different. It was joy from deep down expressing itself outwardly. It was a better-than-winning-the-lottery, better-than-a-first-kiss type of joy.

Where did this joy come from?

It certainly did not come from taking a nice vacation. We were in Orlando just a few weeks ago. It was very relaxing, a good respite from the busyness of life. But all the magnificent shows and nausea-inducing rides did not satisfy my deepest longing.

Joy did not come from entertainment either. I just finished watching a few of my favorite Marvel and DC shows on Netflix and Hulu. While I was certainly entertained, the shows did not fill my deep longing.

Joy did not spring from material possessions either. The happiness that comes from the new car smell is fleeting. Sure, I was super happy when I first got my car. But 15 thousand miles later, I sometimes look jealously at newer cars. I am such a worldly person!

Maybe joy comes from being successful in one’s career. I am doing well in my medical practice. A world-renowned health system employs me. I feel like I am at the top of my game. You would think that this would be an endless source of deep joy. But it isn’t.

So, where did this sudden and unexpected burst of joy come from?

I’m not sure. The song I played was 10,000 Reasons, a worship song. I suddenly felt joy as I heard Matt Redman sing, “Bless the Lord, o my soul…”

I realized that the joy I felt sprang from lifting myself in the worship of God.

Blaise Pascal explained this well when he wrote:

What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself.