Dealing with guilt
About a year ago I was offering a puja service at a friend’s house. He was visited by many guests. I keep a practice of saving some time for an exposition or question-answers on philosophical and religious topics at the end of the ceremony for the benefit of the guests, that increases awareness about piousness of the rituals. One of his guests mentioned that the number of restrictions related to the rituals, such as not eating meat and or not performing puja after sunset etc. discourage him from performing his daily puja entirely. He also revealed a guilt to pray to the God when he has consumed meat for the meal. Therefore, he would rather not pray at all. He believed it would instigate Gods’ wrath upon him.
I asked him three questions in return.
- Do you really think that the God exists only within the idol and cannot witness what you do in your kitchen?
- Does it help by running away from the puja or not standing in front of the idol? Does it help forgetting the guilt and forgiving yourself?
- Would God be happy if you do not perform a ritual at all or if you at least perform parts of it to the best of your ability?
He remained silent for a moment and then asked me to clarify further and offer an elucidation.
Have we grown so superficial that we think we can fool our conscience by running away from it, rather than facing it?
There is a twofold problem in this scenario. First — not investigating the origin of the guilt and second — making some assumptions without understanding logic behind it.
Analysis of the guilt
The root of the guilt lies in the upbringing — being told what to do and what not to. These rules (called as kāṇḍa काण्ड), which we learnt from our parents, friends, teachers, society, government, are ingrained deeply on our mind from the childhood. They cause the culpability when we go against them. It is called sadasatvivek in sanskrit — ability of our brain to separate right and wrong.
One way to deal with it is investigating whether the assumption or the rule itself if justified in the first place. Many rules often originate from traditions, history, geography, or situations — that may become irrelevant and obsolete with time or place and may not be adhered to. The principles and philosophy are timeless but cultural aspects are subject to change. Once the logic and philosophy are clear, the guilt may vanish.
Dealing with the guilt
But sometimes our mind is convinced that a certain rule is timeless and rightfully stated, such as Violence is improper or an animal has to face a painful death for me to consume meat. In that case, no amount of analysis or justification (It was its destiny or it was only bred in captivity to become food) will make the responsibility vanish. We often know that our acts hurt plants, animals, nature, other people, and that would of course cause some self-reproach.
Our acts may make us feel not worthy to stand before God. But on the contrary, in that very case, we need to stand before the God more than ever and ask for forgiveness.
Karma kāṇḍa to deal with guilt
The divine power is benevolent and calculative. Dharmic karma (ritual) clubbed with the rules (kāṇḍa काण्ड) bear complimentary fruits that reduce intensity of the original outcome. They create a trace of karma that often helps keep the outcomes of our deeds in check. Think of it like refilling your pot of peace and fortune after you have made a withdrawal. Furthermore, donations, service, volunteer work may also offer some salvation that you get from religious rituals, but you will find that they are often more satisfactory when clubbed with the spiritual aspect of the rituals.
Hindu Dharma Shastra carefully designed several rituals to deal with the emotions such as guilt, despair, sorrow, overjoy and stress. The scriptures capture several aspects of life and beyond to articulate them. They cover a surprisingly wide range of facets — posture, breathing, sounds, scent, medicine, natural elements, wind, directions, light, plants, food, anatomy of body, weather, and psychology. The effect of each of these pieces are probably microscopic but together they create a long-lasting conscience. Intermittently performed elaborate pujas, havan, religious celebrations, festivals at home give us ample opportunities to deal with the conscience of our day-to-day activities. These occasions, especially puja and shanti vidhi, charge our mind and fill our brain with positivity for long enough until the next one. They may keep us mentally strong and healthy to deal with situations.
Karma kāṇḍa and ignorance
Should we then do whatever we want and then just blatantly perform some ritual for forgiveness?
This is not a business contract. We are discussing things that disturb our conscience for long term, such as self-reproach of eating meat, or occasional white lie to your friends or spouse, or cases of verbally hurting someone. The rituals and good deeds help you forgive yourself and obtain peace of mind and — what shastra call — creates benevolence of guru or God.
If you are expecting for forgiveness from a homicide or a corruption of thousands of dollars, there is probably no amount of justification, rituals or law that can offer complete salvation to your mind. Even the criminals who ardently put up a show of impenitence know deep inside that they have errored. Sometimes even a lawful punishment does not take away the tingling sense of reality prevailing at the back of the mind. They just don’t want to deal with it.
What if the rituals I perform are not correctly executed as per scriptures? Should I be afraid that there will consequences?
Gods are benevolent. They are simply different forms of energies of cosmos around us. They are intervened with the universe and the living beings through sounds, light and other perceptions and beyond. They witness our intentions and acts. They nurture our mind and body. The rituals are framed by coalescing several of these aspects, already discussed above. The expectation is to perform a ritual to the best of our knowledge and ability. The mantras too articulate that several times during the rituals.
सर्वनाशे समुत्पन्ने ह्मर्धं त्यजति पण्डित:। अर्धेन कुरुते कार्यं सर्वनाशो हि दु:सह:।
In the situations where everything is about to get destroyed, a wise person gives up half (or a part) of it; because dropping everything gives you no benefit at all; but doing at least, what you can, will have some merit for sure. If we cannot perform it exactly as per the scripture, does not mean we should not perform it at all.
After this brief discussion with him, he looked contented and acknowledged me for solving his dilemma once and for all.
