TO BE OR NOT TO BE, THAT IS THE QUESTION

In the essay on “Kindness” by Phillips and Taylor, the emphasis on vulnerability hits home with me. Many of us have been conditioned to see vulnerability as a weakness, which accomplishes exactly two things: we stop being human and we become split off from our real selves. The authors remind us that no one is immune to vulnerability at any stage of our lives, and that it is, in fact, what we all have in common as “the medium of contact between us that we most fundamentally recognize in each other” (11). When one person is feeling vulnerable, and another can’t recognize or acknowledge that within themselves, they can’t do it for the “other” either. Human nature would make us inclined toward showing kindness to those who are vulnerable in the world, except if we are denying vulnerability within ourselves. Certainly if the message the world is giving us, tells us that vulnerability is a weakness or a bad thing, we will cut ourselves off from this “bad thing”. One action begets the other and “bearing other people’s vulnerability — which means sharing it imaginatively and practically… — entails being able to bear one’s own” (11).

In working with Parent Services Project (PSP), a program that serves low-income immigrant families (with early childhood education and support for parents and children) in San Rafael, vulnerability is common and inherent in the community. A lack of sensitivity toward the lives and struggles of the participants would create a barrier that would get in the way of developing a mutual connection of trust and kindness. Staying aware of the vulnerabilities of those in the community helps to create a feeling of mutual understanding and compassion between us as individuals. It also helps us to be more thoughtful and patient, even if our own lives are different; our ability to empathize comes directly from our appreciation of another’s vulnerabilities.

In “Modern Kindness”, the authors talk about life in a competitive society; although they are speaking about Britain, clearly America is a prime example of this kind of existence, deriving from its capitalistic roots. When we compete, there are always winners and losers, as well, there are those who are superior and those who are inferior. No matter how normalized this process is in society, this is classism at its finest; classism is also known as “class discrimination…prejudice or discrimination on the basis of social class” (Wikipedia). According to Phillips and Taylor, this “breeds unkindness” (105). One example, is through the “remitting pressure” that children feel in school, to be on top, and constantly excel; the authors tell us this creates separateness and becomes an underlying force in keeping people “estranged from each other” (105). It seems that childhood is the key time for this natural kindness to develop, as children are “instinctively concerned for the well-being of others” (108). Early childhood education is crucial in a child’s life and the families at PSP understand this. Besides the obvious, preparing children with the basic tasks of learning the alphabets, or colors, etc., it is also a vital opportunity for socialization. Right there in the classroom, the cycle of a child’s dependence on others, for learning and encouragement, is enacted. This is key to the child’s future as a student and most importantly, as a social human being. We demonstrate consideration and kindness by waiting our turn and by noticing and “seeing” eachother. The children are learning to share and make collective projects so they are not so focused on just themselves. These are the beginning principles of right and wrong behavior, and of moral choices.

For example, we have one little boy, Matteo, who is full of enthusiasm and smiles, yet he is generally focused on himself (as children can be) but he is more self-focused than the others in the group. He will enter into play by imposing himself upon others, rather than by asking to join in. He might start interfering with the building-blocks structure that Joshua built. Joshua will get his feelings hurt because his creation has been “destroyed” by Matteo, who needs to learn to notice, to ask to join in, to be kind, and eventually to take cues from others. He is very young and this is not unusual behavior. If this is not addressed however, he will continue to think that he can do what he wants without consideration of others. Imagine if kindness towards others, from this early point on in his life and going forward, is actively emphasized and encouraged. If children grow up in a society “that denigrates kindness as a weakness” he is conditioned outside of his or her true nature (110). Being able to take a “sympathetic interest in eachother…to imagine the suffering of others” (112) can make a beneficial difference.

Without sympathetic attachments toward the families in my community partnership with PSP, I would become indifferent to their stories, or experiences, and who they are as human beings. My work there involves a sense of compassion, caring, and concern for the well-being of the children in particular. From a personal experience, as a daughter of Latino (Mexican) immigrants, I feel empathy for them. They want a chance at life here in the United States, and are willing to work hard for the opportunities that could help them make a good life for themselves and their children. Education is the foundation of everything. My feeling of responsibility toward them is not just personal, as there is still the underlying sense of collective responsibility in co-creating a community of equitability, particularly with respect to the education of all children. They are, and always will be innocent beings who deserve our care and utmost consideration. They are the future, and if they learn well, we as a collective society, all benefit.