With Kindness and Compassion
Kindness is often overlooked in our society. So much attention on negative information by our media allows us to forget about all the amazing actions people perform every day. In the reading On Kindness, Adam Phillips describes less kindness in today’s society, and that it is a kind of lost art. “Today it is only between parents and children that kindness is expected, sanctioned, and indeed obligatory” (8). Kindness amongst members of society has dissolved throughout the past centuries. “Children begin their lives ‘naturally’ kind, and something happens to this kindness as they grow up in contemporary society” (11). Phillips describes society losing kindness but at the same time, needing it, but not knowing how to react to giving or receiving kindness. Humans crave kindness more “than we let ourselves know” (114), but are scared how others perceive a kind person.
In the podcast on Ear Hustle, “Looking Out,” we hear the story of an inmate named Rauch. Even hardened killers, crave connections and want to be nice. Rauch chose to show this kindness to the “critters” he would come across in the jail yard or cell. He would care for and feed these “critters,” from “spiders to swallows to lizards,” Rauch would show compassion and care.
In today’s society, especially amongst males, kindness is perceived as weakness. A strong, tough guy, isn’t kind, he is hard and cruel. The saying “nice guys finish last,” has been around for decades for a reason. Most women, especially at a younger age, go for the guys perceived as strong and unfortunately strength does not correlate to kindness. As women get older, and have had bad experiences with the “tough guy,” they do realize that the “nice guy” has more to offer.
Kindness has always been a foundation for me. It was engrained in me from a young age. Being nice, accepting, and not judgmental towards others has been a family standard. Most of my family does or has worked in the human services sector. I have been working in non-profits with children for 22 years, I’ve coached, and I’ve volunteered. I’m what most people would consider a “nice guy,” things have worked out pretty well for me, but it wasn’t always like that. I got passed up by girls growing up who went for the “tough guy,” who usually ended up being a selfish, narcissistic, jerk.
The ability to put oneself in someone else’s shoes is necessary to be empathetic, which is necessary to learn kindness. Being able to read a person and know when kindness would help is important. I use this skill every day at work with the children. Many of these students have low self-esteem due to their learning disabilities, home life, lack of friendships, and many other struggles. There are only 15 students so we get to know each and every one of them very well. We treat the school like a family, which means looking out for one another and helping when needed. This is instrumental in their success as a student and as a young adult. Every day I see not only myself being kind, but also the students (not all the time though). They have a good sense of when one of their peers are down and need a friend to help.
Not fearing one another, but instead offering a hand shake and getting to know about differences and similarities can lead to more understanding and awareness. This world can be ugly, but if we start small and continue to spread kindness and compassion it can grow, and with that, become a better place for everyone.