How to counsel yourself?

Vipul Bansal
Self counseling
Published in
3 min readApr 6, 2016



Many a time we encounter some situations where we are unable to find a solution to a problem. Depressed mind is in desperate need of an answer. The numerous unanswered questions increase the burden on your head and to relieve yourself of this heavy burden you have to get answers.

People generally seek two ways to reduce this burden, either by speaking their problems to their friends or by meeting a life counselor.

However, it’s not valid to pour off your load on other’s head. Doing so, you only get relieved of thought overload for some time instead of getting the answers. The person from whom you are seeking help will only try to lessen your burden. He/she may not really know what you must be going through and hence, will try to find a solution to your problem based on his/her experiences and attitude. This sometimes proves fatal especially when the person you are approaching to is your friend or a relative.

I advise you to counsel yourself. Talk to yourself. Before approaching anyone personally, I would prefer you to first explore yourself rather than shouting your problems to everybody else.

In order to counsel yourself properly, I suggest you to follow these simple steps:

  1. First of all find a calm place, free from humans and away from the common din, to sit.
  2. Sit comfortably on one of your favorite chairs (if you have one). If you wish, you may close your eyes. Play some light music in the background. The purpose of this point is to make you comfortable so that you could clearly focus on finding a solution rather than getting distracted.
  3. Focus in one direction.
  4. Now some mental preparation. Since a counselor you meet is generally a third person who has no information about you and your life from beforehand, I want you to become the same third person, mentally. Become a virtual third person who is neither you nor anybody else. He does not exist. He is like an invisible person from nowhere who is watching you and your life since the day you were born.
  5. Since you are a third person, so you are now watching yourself through his eyes. Let him answer the questions that put a load on you. Now put forward the following questions:
    * What is really making me uncomfortable?
    * What is it about me taking everybody else away from me?
    * Am I being too impulsive and aggressive with my points?
    * Am I harsh to my fellow mates?
    * What language do I use during conversations? Do I exaggerate?
    * What was my behavior or attitude towards people before they started pulling away from me?
    * What is my perception towards different events I encounter in day to day life?
  6. Since this virtual character has just born out of imagination, he does not have an opinion of his own. This way he will be able to deliver right and valid answers and you will feel the load pouring off your head.

The reason I am asking you to do this is because it not only relieves you of all the pressure but also answers each and every question. You will get to know yourself. Self-discovery will show you the truth and will give you the power to tackle the circumstances better.

However, you will also need to keep the following points in mind:

  1. Do not focus for too long, else it may cause a headache due to excessive strain.
  2. Let not the decisions of the third person be influenced by your personal opinions.
  3. Do not talk to your mirror image. It will cause your subconscious mind to grab your expressions which will affect your conscience.
  4. Do a simple meditation after (every) self-counseling session to relax your brain muscles.
  5. Do not just sit idly looking at the sky, thinking what you have done. Accept your mistakes (if any) and start improving yourself from that very time.

After you have realized your mistake(s) and are now determined to improve yourself, talk to your friend or anybody you trust about how your perception towards life has changed and how you are now determined to improve yourself. This will not only provide you energy to do so but also help your friend change his perception for you.

However, in a case of extreme stress or depression where a person’s conscience fails, meeting a counselor is advisable.