Sometimes when we lose someone or something very important to us, we think we’re just sad. What we might not know is that our reactions and feelings might be a form of grief. The author C. S. Lewis, who wrote children’s books and was also a big thinker about life, once said something very deep about grief. He said that nobody told him that grief felt so much like being scared. If you think about it, it kinda makes sense. When we’re grieving, we might feel a weird feeling in our belly like when we’re nervous, or we might not be able to sit still.
Grief can sneak up on us and feel strange. You might not even be scared about anything, but your body feels like it is. It’s like when your stomach turns before a big test or when you have to talk in front of your class. Your head knows you’re not in danger, but your body acts like you might be. That’s what Mr. Lewis was getting at. He talked about how grief also made him feel like his mind wasn’t totally clear, almost like he couldn’t understand what people were saying or didn’t want to. It’s like when you’re trying to listen to someone, but you can’t really process what they’re saying because your mind is all fuzzy and thinking about something else.
But there’s a thing about grief that Mr. Lewis pointed out. Even with all the odd feelings and the fuzziness in our head, we might not want to be alone. It’s as though we want people around, but we don’t necessarily want to talk to them. It might be comforting just to know others are around, like having friends sit with you during lunch even if you all are just doing your own thing. Mr. Lewis compared it to being a little drunk, not in the sense of doing silly things, but in the way that a person might not be fully in touch with what’s happening around them. It’s a protective bubble that our minds create to help us deal with the big, hard feelings of loss.
So, what do we do when we find ourselves or a friend feeling that way? First of all, it’s okay to feel grief. It’s a normal part of life. Recognizing grief is a good first step towards understanding why we feel the way we do. Sometimes talking about our feelings helps, sharing with someone we trust could make our stomach do less flipping. Like tossing a ball back and forth, sharing can make the heavy weight of grief feel a little lighter. But remember, it’s also okay not to talk if we don’t feel like it. Being around others, even in silence, can make us feel less alone and that’s just as important.
Another thing to think about is that everyone feels grief differently, kind of like how some people love roller coasters and others can’t stand them. Some people might cry a lot, while others keep it all inside. Some might want to talk about the person or thing they lost, and others might not want to mention it at all. All of these are okay. There isn’t a right or wrong way to deal with grief, but finding little ways to cope can be a big help. Like, it could be as simple as keeping a small thing that reminds us of who or what we lost. Or finding a new hobby to put some positive energy into, or writing down how we feel if talking about it is tough.
The point that Mr. Lewis was getting at, and what others have found too, is that grief is like a confusing journey. At different moments, we might feel lost or like we’re walking through fog. Some days might seem okay and then suddenly not okay. That’s all part of the trip that comes with grief. It’s important not to rush it or think we need to get over it fast because there’s no timer for these things. And it’s not about getting back to normal because sometimes what’s normal changes.
Sources
- https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/649744-no-one-ever-told-me-that-grief-felt-so-like
- https://www.havenofnova.org/articles/grief/a_grief_observed.pdf
- https://www.uua.org/midamerica/resources/sermons/holding-out-hope
- https://secondfirsts.com/2016/04/no-one-ever-told-me-that-grief-felt-so-like-fear/
- https://bobonbooks.com/2017/06/07/review-a-grief-observed/
