7 Signs You’re Having Your Quarter-Life Crisis
Not gonna lie, it’s kinda fun.
It’s the thought that keeps us awake at night, questioning everything we’ve done and wondering if we’ll ever amount to anything–at least until we distract ourselves with cocktails, cars, and Tinder.
Is this it? Is this really all there is to life?
The transition to adulthood can be a challenging, exhilarating, and hectic experience. But when we reach the place we’ve been working toward–the job, the home, the semblance of stability–and finally get the chance to catch our breath, what then?
Many of us joke about having a quarter-life crisis, but how do you know if you’re experiencing yours or just having existential dread about going to work on Monday?
Here are 7 telltale signs you’re in a bona fide quarter-life crisis.
1. You’ve just experienced an earth-shattering event. Or two. Or five.
My quarter-life crisis was the culmination of quite a few life-altering events. My budding military career was crushed by a medical discharge. I struggled to find purpose in a new career path. My relationship with my family was strained. My old belief systems were crumbling. My social life was a shadow of its former self. I wasn’t eating well or working out. And then my wife asked for a divorce.
That night, I threw a little pity party with a bottle of Wild Turkey and a toilet bowl. Absolute banger. Cut me some slack–I was young and I still hadn’t really experienced the bar scene. I didn’t know where it was socially acceptable to get hammered on shitty bourbon.
The point is, quarter-life crises don’t just happen randomly. Even for those who seemingly wake up one day questioning everything. Their earth-shattering event is usually the first time they consciously consider the question, “Is this it?” while waiting for their fiancé to stop playing Fortnite so he can come to watch Friends with them again as he promised.
For most, however, there’s a strong trigger. Or at least a catalyst.
2. You’re on your 7th, no, 8th job
I’m not sure how many careers I’ve had, and at this point, I’m a little afraid of the answer. If you include college majors, I think I’m already in the double digits.
Even if you haven’t tried your hand at firefighting, engineering, and junk removal, if you’ve changed jobs many times in the past few years and still can’t find one you can tolerate, you might be having a quarter-life crisis.
It’s also possible that you just need to work for yourself or find a smaller, better team, but still tick this box on your crisis checklist.
3. You have a strong feeling that you’ll find your answers at a seaside resort in Bali.
If you’re wealthy enough to embark on an Eat, Pray, Love-inspired luxury vacation across the Mediterranean and southeast Asia, go for it.
I sure as hell wasn’t.
Instead, I jumped on Norwegian’s Black Friday sale and got my $185 round-trip tickets to Dublin. Ireland is cold in March, but that just means it’s cheaper! I rented a motorcycle in Belfast and spent the next 4 days riding the northern half of Ireland and Northern Ireland.
Not gonna lie, it was fucking awesome.
I explored old ruins, rode off the map, found hidden waterfalls, had a Guinness at the world’s oldest operating bar, and stayed in an Airbnb that was an old castle. I mean, my room door was opened by a freakin’ skeleton key.
And yes, being alone on a motorcycle for days gives you lots of time to think. And relax. And that’s certainly good for you.
But will travel lead you to some magical epiphany that will make you feel complete? Nah. If you’ve got the bug, I highly encourage you to follow it in a budget-friendly manner. Just don’t expect to return enlightened.
4. Your list of exes is starting to resemble Taylor Swift’s (or there’s only one name on it)
For me, it was the latter. I’d married my high school sweetheart, so I didn’t exactly have much experience in the dating department. I felt like an old man downloading Tinder for the first time or trying to figure out how to talk to girls at a bar.
I also felt like I was years behind the curve at this point, so in my desperate efforts to catch up with my peers, I made my share of cringe-worthy blunders that still never fail to make me wince. But hey, you gotta make mistakes to learn, right?
On the other hand, you might find that you can no longer remember the names of all your exes. Sure, you’ve dated lots of people, but none of them have seemed to quite click. You can go on a date and hold a conversation, but you don’t feel anything. You’re just not engaged. (Get it, engaged?)
Either way, if you find yourself disapprovingly evaluating your dating life, seriously questioning your choices of mate(s), and experiencing some level of panic regarding your market value, that’s another sign that you’re experiencing your quarter-life crisis.
5. You’re picking up your new Challenger next week
The car thing is real, people. As cliche as it is, this one gets to most of us.
I’m not sure whether it’s a need for control–to have a lot of speed and power at our fingertips–or the (misguided) belief that we’ll be waaaaay hotter if we show up in a GT-R, but buying a flashy car is a hallmark of any major life crisis.
For me, it was a blue Subaru coupe. And a custom café racer. Admittedly, my ex’s post-separation purchase of an Audi may have had something to do with this. Still, I left for an out-of-state wedding in a Forester and came back in a BRZ.
To be fair, I actually lowered my interest rate and the monthly payment on an even-value trade-in, so it was a pretty financially responsible decision as far as impulsive car purchases go.
6. You’re out on a Tuesday night (or in on a weekend)
Like I mentioned before, I hadn’t really been “out” prior to my divorce. Sure, I’d been to a few bars, but it had never been late at night and I’d always been with my ex.
Now, however, a whole new world of alcohol, late nights, “drinking buddies,” girls, and questionable decisions awaited me. It was a freeing and euphoric feeling to go out and bust some moves with an encouraging crowd. For a time, I thought this was it–these experiences were the great highs of life.
As it turns out, sleep is kind of important. It doesn’t take too many times of being hungover in your GI Bill-sponsored Contract Law class to realize that 1 am karaoke on a Tuesday isn’t a sustainable lifestyle.
On the other hand, your crisis might strike at the end of your party phase. When you’ve had one too many vodka sodas and you’re tired of random dudes grinding on you while high out of their minds (yeah, this has happened to me as well, ladies. I’m sorry for what you go through on an average night out), you might find yourself staying in on Friday night for the first time.
This can lead to some serious FOMO, and it can also make you painfully aware of how many of your friends were just “drinking buddies.”
7. You suddenly realize none of this stuff is what life’s about
And then it all hits home. The pain of the initial trigger, the job, the travel, the dating, the car, the clubbing–none of it really brings you any closer to a meaningful life.
This can be an incredibly depressing realization. If none of this is meaningful, then what is life really about? Will anything help you feel complete and full of purpose?
If you find yourself dwelling on this thought frequently, there’s a pretty good chance you’re nearing the end of your quarter-life crisis.
The bad news is that you can no longer fool yourself into thinking your job at the cool co-working space or your killer dance moves are going to bring you fulfillment.
The good news is that you’re about to start doing things that are actually meaningful. Since you’re not staying out late, you’re gonna start getting enough sleep. The brain fog will lift. The serotonin will kick in. You’ll start eating better, making some genuine new friends, and discovering sustainable activities you love.
You’ll begin to see the value in stable, long-term hobbies and choices. You’ll start reading more, exploring your own mind, figuring yourself out again. You’ll discover the bluebird of happiness right in your own backyard. And you’ll become a master of this new lifestyle.
Just in time for your mid-life crisis!
