How To Fall In Love With Yourself In 5 Easy Steps
And you can literally do them all today.
You’re too hard on yourself. We all are.
And some tough self-love (or is it self-tough-love?) does a body good. But you know what’s at the core of tough self-love? Love. For yourself.
Chances are, you’ve fallen in love with someone else before. You know what it’s like to care about them, to consider their needs, and to encourage them to pursue things that are good for them.
When’s the last time you did that for you?
If you can’t answer that question, chances are there’s some work to be done in the self-love department. You might find that all your other relationships (and your health, and career, and happiness, and…) show suspiciously correlative improvements as well.
So if you want to fall in love with yourself, think about why you fall in love with (and stay in love with) other people: they treat you well.
Naturally, to fall in love with yourself, you need to treat yourself well, too.
Here’s how to do that in 5 easy steps:
Sleep.
You will not have a great life (or love yourself) until you make sleep your number one priority. Period.
I am not exaggerating. The American Sleep Association says it best:
To put it simply, sleep can save your life.
I highly recommend reading their full article (it’s concise and informative) about how sleep affects your brain, heart, immune system, weight, and ultimately longevity. In short, this is what they say will happen to you if you aren’t getting enough sleep (before your early demise):
With time, it will literally take the best of you.
For many years of my life, I didn’t prioritize sleep. I stayed up late, I slept strange hours, and I was constantly exhausted, foggy, irritable, and struggling with severe depression and dangerous self-esteem issues. For over a DECADE.
You know what happened after I made a promise to myself to get 8 hours of sleep per night, every night, no exceptions?
Every single one of those issues became manageable. Negligible, even. Instantly.
These were problems I’d struggled with since 7th grade. I’d seen medical professionals. I’d read dozens of books. I’d changed careers, locations, all sorts of shit. Nothing helped.
Until I made sleep my number one priority.
Listen, you can make all the excuses you want. Work, kids, responsibilities, whatever. If you think you don’t have time for sleep, check the “Screen Time” log on your phone. You have the time. And you honestly can’t afford NOT to get a full night’s sleep every night.
Your relationship with yourself and everyone else in your life depends on it.
And by the way? I don’t drink coffee. You might find you don’t need it anymore.
Eat.
Without question, sleep is the most fundamental item on this list. On a foundation of consistently great sleep, however, there’s no better way to love yourself than by eating right.
How many times have you heard someone say “treat yourself! You deserve a little self-care”? A fuckload of times, probably. Will a donut give you a quick hit of dopamine? Yep. You know what else does that? Cocaine.
Fun fact: you know what tastes literally dozens of times better than a donut once you’ve weaned yourself off your sugar addiction? Plain, “raw” almonds. Blueberries. Ground turkey. Yes, I’m serious. Donuts are disappointing now.
Listen, I was addicted to sugar to a degree most people can’t comprehend. I could eat an entire half-gallon container of Blue Bell and still want more. That is also not an exaggeration. If I had any sugary food, I’d think about that food constantly until I could eat it again. Until one day I just quit cold turkey. Like, I stopped eating sugar completely. Cold turkey is delicious.
Now, I meal prep once a week. It takes me less than two hours every Sunday. I eat 6 meals a day, every day, about 3200 calories (eating well does NOT mean restricting food intake). I do not eat out. I do not eat added sugars.
And you know what? I killed my addiction. It took a few months to get over it, but now every bite of spinach, feta, or brown rice is fulfilling in a way artificial foods could never be. Seriously, Brussels sprouts taste like the goddamn Nectar of the gods. And I used to loathe Brussels sprouts.
My body has rewarded me. Uncomfortable cramps? Gone. Energy levels? Insane. Time spent choosing where to eat? Totally eliminated. Plus, it’s great spending just 100 bucks on food every week.
Move.
Now we’re starting to get into the fun part.
You don’t need to spend 2 hours in the gym every day to get your exercise. In fact, you don’t need to go to the gym at all to live a healthy lifestyle and develop self-love. I go because I love it and I like the way my body feels and looks when I do strength training.
But if you don’t like the gym, no worries! Here’s a short list of other activities you might enjoy:
- Yoga
- Mountain biking
- Kayaking
- Walking
- Hiking
- Disc golf
- Volleyball
- Swimming
- Shake weights
- Paintball
- Speedwashing your car
- Flapping your arms really fast in an attempt to empathize with hummingbirds
You get my point. Get up and get moving. I promise you’ll feel amazing.
Get Out.
This goes right along with “move,” but getting outside has some other benefits, too. First, your body needs vitamin D to survive–it keeps your bones and muscles in working order.
But there are other benefits to getting some sun that can have a compounding effect with sleep, diet, and movement:
- It reduces your susceptibility to diseases
- It fights depression
- It helps with weight loss
When you’re falling in love with yourself, these factors are absolutely critical to success. So get out, bare that skin, and let the sunshine in. Just don’t get burned. It hurts.
Create.
Finally, we’ve reached the tertiary point of the road to self-love. This is the final piece of the puzzle that too many people never find.
If you’re already making sleep your #1 priority (and not just claiming that it’s your #1 priority), eating a healthy diet of whole foods, moving daily, and getting outside, but you still feel like something is holding you back, this is it.
Humans are born to create. It doesn’t matter if it’s a whole building plan or a little sign for the door; a best-selling novel or a 2-question survey: people are meant to make things.
And we’re meant to make things we care about. Things that matter to us.
This is where I’ll encourage you to check your Screen Time again. If yours is sitting above 30 minutes–and I guarantee you it is–then you have time to switch from being a consumer to a creator for 30 minutes a day.
Motivation follows action, not the other way around. I don’t care how burnt out or frustrated you feel after work–pouring your heart into a project you love will energize you far more than crashing on the couch with a sigh and getting all hot and bothered about Bridgerton.
Plus, it’s easy to fall in love with someone who spends their time doing something they’re passionate about, right? Discipline and creativity are sexy as hell.
You don’t need to know what you love doing, either. Just pick a medium and create. Make some pottery. Write a poem. Buy a $20 ukulele. Copy a fucking Tik Tok trend. Just create something!
Seriously, it’s that easy.
If you follow these five steps, you will fall in love with yourself. Immediately.
You know what the best part is? None of this takes time. You can literally start right now. These are all daily habits that require no prep, no learning curve, no extra money, nothing. You can just do them!
Go to bed at 10 tonight and wake up at 6:30 tomorrow. When you do, make your food for the week–you might even spend less time than you would’ve taken to choose, order, and pick up takeout (plus you’ll save a ton of money). Around lunchtime, go ride a bike or take a hike. Get some sun. After work, get creative. Take 30 minutes and make something. Share it online.
If you do this, it’ll be impossible not to fall in love with the person you are.
