Broken is Still Beautiful.
Self-ish August Prompt: An August Guest
I'm not an angel or a saint. If I had to really strip down my walls and let go of the masks, I think you may see something or someone you don't like.
Because I mean, who doesn't hide parts of themselves from the world?
Who doesn't carefully curate their actions, words, and stories to fit certain scenarios of life?
Who doesn't make mistakes and spends the rest of their lives desperately trying to make amends for them?
I like to think I practice honesty when given the opportunity to and since writing is that one area where I can be blatantly true to and with myself, here's my truth:
I have been broken for the past 13 years
For a majority, I had hidden my feelings so deep I didn't know they were there
Every reaction was a defense mechanism to something I had been through
And lying was the only way I could make my decisions make sense
I didn't think I was beautiful or worth loving. So anytime I got a compliment, my first reaction was, "Why?"
"Why do you think I'm beautiful?"
"Why are you doing this for me?"
"Why do you love me?"
"How can you love me?"
I always thought I knew what love was or at least, I knew what love wasn't.
Till I understood people are good at lying too especially when they want something; then they leave you dry and hanging.
I blamed everyone for who I was:
"You hurt me. You didn't show me love."
"You were never there for me."
"You never listened."
So when I fell into that depression, did anyone even notice?
I think as humans we're really good at hiding things especially our darkness and secrets. I have been slowly unlearning the toxic traits and breaking the hurtful cycles. Slowly picking the pieces and recreating my mirror. That process was made lighter when I met someone who saw me for me
Wanted to know that darkness and those secrets Not because he wanted to use it, but because he had already made the decision to love me no matter what.
So I do have hope in love and in human beings. I know self-love is important but when you have someone who loves you beyond what you could think of,
I think you become invincible.
Because two are always better than one.
So I guess my August guest is me.
