Do I need you in my life ?
Thirty and unmarried.
That would have been my identity if I was letting people invade my space.
It all starts with a side-eye look. Then people start asking questions like “Do you have a boyfriend?” When they see nothing has changed even after Dirty Thirty, they start asking bluntly “When are you getting married?”
The first time it happened, I was so flabbergasted I didn’t know what to say. Actually I knew, but I was too respectful to say what was on my mind. Truth is people don’t get it when you are unmarried and happy about it. Yes, I said it out loud, I am happy to be unmarried. Even proud of myself.
I am proud I never gave in to people demanding I should follow what they call “the normal path”. I would have been married, a mother of 4/5, and unhappy as hell. Do you realise I would have been unhappy, making unhappy people happy I followed the unhappy path they followed themselves to make unhappy people happy too ? Let me explain.
It seems like misery is the most widely shared thing in the world. Society is a bunch of unhappy people doing their best for each and every one around not to escape misery for them to fit in the scenery.
There are norms.
- At 17 you should be graduating from high school
- At 20 you should have a bachelor (and a reliable boyfriend who is the potential future husband)
- At 22 you should have a masters degree (and be engaged)
- At 23 you should be working in a big company, earning big money (with a ring on it)
- At 25 you should be in the top management of your company (with your son crawling all around the house)
If you do not follow that same exact path, please hang yourself woman. There is no hope for you in this world. I should hang myself. I am digressing. Let’s get back to marriage.
As I said earlier, It seems like misery is the most widely shared thing in the world. Society is a bunch of unhappy people doing their best for each and every one around not to escape misery for them to fit in the scenery. The reason why I am writing this today is a conversation I had yesterday. I was chatting with a woman I barely even know.
She was telling me how she was unhappy with her boyfriend, how she did not love him and felt miserable around him. Then she said she could not leave him because at her age (she is 29) she could not afford to be single and she hoped he would propose. Thirty seconds after the big revelation, she asked me why I was still single.
To sum it up, she was asking me why I was not doing everything in my power to find a man at all cost and be as miserable as she was. HOW? WHY?
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying marriage is a bad thing. It is not. I am not planning to get married in my life, but I still think marriage should be the culmination of unconditional love. Marriage is not a certificate, it is not a validation, it is not a matter of age or social class. It is a decision made by two people who cannot stand to be apart anymore to become one. Nothing more, nothing less.
I make it a rule not to do anything that can make me unhappy. I do not care about what people may think or say, I do not care about me not fitting in, and I do not care about side-eye looks anymore. I did it for 29 years and I was one of the most miserable people on this Earth.
No one will ever live my life better than I can. Forcing myself to do anything to look good on the outside is to willingly kill myself in the inside. I will not do that again. I do not need a husband to be complete. I am not incomplete. No one is.
I do not need to be a wife or a mother to feel a woman. My breast, my hips and my vagina are proof I am a woman. Two of these three elements can easily be seen from afar. Why is it that a ring should validate what God gave me ?
Hello, my name is Befoune, and I talk about citizen participation and empowerment in my country, Cameroon, on the platform Elle Citoyenne. My dear friend Tchassa Kamga and I created the publication Self-Ish to share our experience in self improvement, content creation and what we call human relationships.
