I am Tired
The truth behind the walls, the facade, and the hiding.
Over the years, I watched the standard of beauty take different courses
As I helplessly tried to follow each path
I remember all these comments during my tender days:
"Don't wear trousers. Do you want to look like a boy?"
"Cover your legs when visitors are around. I don't want something to happen to you"
" Learn to be quiet. Girls don't talk"
"Smile. You should always give a good impression."
How did my body get sexualized even before I understood what sex what all about?
How come my ideas were shunned even before I had the opportunity to express myself?
How should a young woman grow comfortably when, the moment she starts exhibiting feminine traits, she is seen as an opportunity to explore?
Is that really who a woman should be?
Silent? Enduring? Objectified? Pushed over?
I grew up with the fear of being violated
And I remember making the promise:
"No one will have access to my body.
It belongs to me. I won't give someone the power to own it"
So I built these barriers and walls so impenetrable
I even forgot how to take them down.
But how do you live with that value when society makes being a virgin lame?
How do you own your beauty, when stretch marks, a few dark spots, a little bit of hair here and there makes you look untidy? Not beautiful...
When and why did things get so complicated?
I'll like to think I'm more than just a pretty face and a great smile.
I'm more than just boobs and ass,
More than the shit I've been through,
More than the fear of being an embarrassment.
I'll like to think I'm more than just an uptight woman who doesn't want to "experience things"
Or simply "give in" because life is about "having fun".
I'm a human being
I am a black, beautiful and strong woman
I have feelings too
I long to be touched, held and really seen
I long to be respected, valued, honored!
I long to be validated or the least appreciated.
Not because I'm entitled but because I do deserve some decency.
Don't we all?
