The Man In The Arena.
Why we shouldn’t criticize what we can’t understand.
Growing up is overrated. When we were kids, we all dreamt of being older and doing all these big girl/boy stuff because we were denied a lot in childhood. And now that we’ve grown up, all we want to do is be kids all over again. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been asked to ‘act my age’. I can’t recall how many times I’ve been asked to be more responsible, to take life more seriously, to grow up. What does it even mean to grow up? Have a degree? Have a job? Getting married and having kids? And what age truly determines our level of being grown? What does it truly entail to be mature hence be the bigger person? And who gets to decide if we are grown or not?
A creative life cannot be sustained by approval any more than it can be destroyed by criticism.
I recently decided to move out of the family house. The weeks leading up to that decision were excruciating. I could feel my heart pumping in my chest. I could feel my bones shaking. I was overwhelmed; both with anxiety and fear. I would spend time in my thoughts, questioning if it was the right decision; not because I wasn’t sure if it was the right time, but simply because of the criticism I got. Maybe they didn’t understand why I needed to leave or that it was time I left. Maybe they just didn’t want to let me go. But I remember finding the right apartment and the peace that came over me. This was what I was meant to do. It was time for me to fly by myself and I knew I couldn’t possibly be my best version with everyone hovering over my shoulders. With other people’s decisions and assumptions about how my life should be constantly being forced down my throat. I needed to make that decision and I did and the moment I stood up for myself, every chain was broken. I was no longer scared and I could not wait to embark on this new journey. So this is what I found out:
1. You are not what people say about you.
Often the one who criticizes others reveal what he himself lacks.
Most times what people think/say about you is a reflection of who they are. Or what they don’t understand, they criticize. Also, they will never get into the arena and get their asses whooped or take the risks you do, but they will have so much to say about how much you’ve stumbled and how dirty you look. They don’t even know what it’s like to walk in your shoes so how can they really know what it’s like to be you and what’s best for you? I’m not saying you should not have a listening ear to criticism. But at the end of the day, you get to live life in your shoes. You know who you are deep within. So stop taking every word they spill at you close to your heart and dissecting them and questioning your identity. Let it go! Stay true to yourself and really listen to that voice within. No one knows what’s best for you better than yourself. You should be your own biggest critic. If we had no faults, we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.
2. When you can, do it!
I promised myself ever since the month of as April, I wouldn’t let any opportunity slip away and I have been digging deep down into myself and doing things I have always wanted. Happiness is about living in the present and I don’t want to live with any regrets. So far, I am enjoying the process no matter how slow it is and I have had my rewards. Just to say, when you can, do it. Take risks. Live fully. Breathe; really. All the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ won’t help. You either do it or watch someone else do it. Life is not about competition but it’s not also about just surviving each day and hoping tomorrow will be better. We have to give it our all; now or never.
I fell on this piece Theodore Roosevelt gave in 1910 and I was inspired to write this post because most times; we are way too concerned about what others think or have to say about us when it is our opinions that matter the most.
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
— Theodore Roosevelt
So here is my advice: Be the man in the arena. Be brave. Take chances. Show up for yourself. Choose courage over comfort. I don’t know what my journey will look like as I step into this new journey, but one thing I know for sure is: I will make every minute count and I will fight for what I believe in.
So next time, before you start doubting or questioning yourself, remember this: It’s not how hard you fell or the number of mistakes you made. It’s how hard you pick yourself up. I didn’t want to say how fast you picked yourself up because it doesn’t matter how long it takes you, as long as you don’t stay on the ground. You are the one making efforts. The one trying again and again. The one not giving up and that’s all that matters. YOU ARE THE MAN IN THE ARENA!
Absolutely were cheered by this? More from me to lift your spirits:
