Tribute to the Good
Self-ish November Prompt — Appreciation for today
I have crossed bridges that did not exist, and climbed mountains covered in thorns. I have achieved more goals than I set and received the recognition I did not seek. I have birthed smiles genuine and celestial, felt the bliss of joy as my face wrinkled to the pull of laughter. Like a mother, I have shared my blessings, spread my fun and excitement like a viral infection to all around me.
I have fallen down too, missed a couple of steps and lost way too many battles. A good number of times, depression called my name and reached for me with dark storms of comfort. The winds have brought whispers of letting go, choosing another path, an easier path.
I lost myself too many times, couldn't recognize the person in the mirror or the smiles in the pictures. All was an act.
I have given into weakness and expected too much from other people.
Yes, I have failed, and pain has kissed my heart with razor-sharp lips. I have shed bloody tears.
Somehow, I am up, writing this piece, one word at a time, telling a tale of all this. Telling my truths, that you too may see that imperfect is okay; that that's all we can be.
I choose to say "I made it", that I have passed this test so far, living. It is not an A+, but a validation still for my efforts and dare.
Despite my failures towards kin and belief, man and the divine, my heart dances still to tribulations that answer to fear, safety, love, anger, peace, sorrow, anxiety and pleasure.
So, I have not survived this time; I have thrived.
I have grown.
I have not been able to find love, not the family type but that which brings your heart home. Love that speaks warmth into your soul and balances you staggered steps, love that comes with your other half.
I am still searching.
Maybe my person, my choices and character are red flags in the love plane; or is it my fears and boundaries that keep me from seeing.
Some times, I fear I'm not cut out to find love, that maybe this daily dose of loneliness is my own path. But another voice whispers patience and that better days lie ahead. So I patiently search on, and I am glad I can, for many cannot.
The silver lining I choose.
So, even though I have not only gained, even though I might have lost so much, I still choose to see the good and be thankful for it. This is because I have learned that a good life is gratitude for everything.
That happiness and satisfaction (comfort) in one's own skin is a choice like love, a daily decision. I have seen so much darkness, but the light I have seen and the hope it represents is more than enough for me to keep on the good fight.
Ngang God'swill N. 2019
Hey! this is a piece of my truth and I hope it helps you to come to a place of peace with yours. Be thankful, if not for anything, but that you still have a choice.
