What I Want
I want to gaze into your eyes and know for sure
piece by Metumah Wendy and Ngang God’swill N
I feel like love’s a personal myth;
like its bliss detests me.
It as close to me as the east to the west,
shredding my heart, forcing tears I hide,
tears that cry out for love’s gaze.
Yet a world without love is my home;
a reminder of my empty, hollow heart.
Why do gifts of the pretty not nest in my home?
Why are you ready to let me stand alone?
Is my intellect too mediocre for your standards?
Is my beauty an illusion of my own making?
My body not sexy enough for your desires?
For fruitless assumptions have wed my days,
at night warm tears sing me to sleep.
I resent walking through life,
the sight of two hearts is too much to bear.
It calls to a place too primal for my control;
my heart bleeds for that oneness in two.
In that moment, my heart’s sadly jealous;
then I respond in tears, jealously wishing it were mine
but my heart is empty, for none has tamed its desires.
I need the sweet cuddles on stormy nights;
the warm touch on lonely evenings.
I need wet kisses to flood me with wild sensations
and hugs that say I am secure and loved;
with sweet words to heal my ailing heart
and bear pretty smiles that make me feel alive.
I need sincere words to make me try again.
Maybe my needs and desires contradict my person
but all is a façade hiding my fragile nature;
I’m human, these desires are primal.
I need a friend to laugh and bond with, who isn’t yonder;
a confidante to save me from the weight of my secrets,
a parent, to care for and believe in all of me.
And a lover, an amazing lover, to make me come alive.
I want to gaze into your eyes and know for sure
to feel your night touch and morning kiss
pour out my fears and have you clean up the mess.
I want to gather and build a world of bliss with you
celebrate little victories with candlelight dinners
with Cupid’s speciale and promises of forever
To love wild and know not even death can pull you from me.
Sometimes, it is hard to gaze into a world over flowing with love. A world where everyone seems to be finding the one and nothing seems to be going your way. All your heart craves is love, a partner, but the more you open up, the lonelier you get. You are hurt and it is hard to keep trying but persist. There is a right somebody somewhere, dreaming and waiting. Keep opening up, keep dreaming.
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