Why I'm Still Single

Maybe some things are not for everyone.

Ubangoh Loretha
Nov 2 · 2 min read
Photo by Dazzle Jam from Pexels

I knew that I didn’t just have high walls, or that I wasn’t worthy to be loved.

I knew I had embraced my fears so much that they had become the better part of me.

Not that I didn’t wish someone would call me up for a hug. I daydream some days of someone calling just to check up and say “hey babe, how you doing today”.

That male undertone in my ears, giving me the right symphony.

But I can’t let my walls down. Being vulnerable is a gift I’m yet to acquire.

I can’t stop asking myself:
What if he stabs me right deep in my soul?
What if I open the most sacred places of my heart and let him in. Will he be able to walk through smoothly?

Can I handle the pain of being shattered every time?

Can I let someone into my space to breath up my air? If he reads my dark poetry, will he still care about me?

The moment I hold someone’s hands and say “yes I want to be with you” immediately I get cold feet.

I suddenly enrol in my self-sabotage course.

I really want to set my self free from my self built cage. My walls are suffocating me, yet I’m comfortable drowning.

Rejection has for so long been my norm, that’s why I built a thick fence around acceptance.

I’m going to have to muster the strength to save me from me, because apparently only I have the keys.


Self-ish

Personal| Authentic| Black. Telling African Stories, one Youth at a Time.

Ubangoh Loretha

Written by

She stopped being the girl who pleases everyone and found a little corner to create her own Sun.. ps: i have intercourse with the HolyGhost daily

Self-ish

Self-ish

Personal| Authentic| Black. Telling African Stories, one Youth at a Time.