Words I Never Said (part 1)
The truths I always meant
Being with you feels like porn;
It's so explicit and obscene how my emotions and thoughts are on display.
Feeling naked has become the norm;
hoping only you can see, but it's too easy to tell I am happy with you, the whole world sees.
Please come home I feel like a gnome, I’m so alone.
This room that was our palace and haven;
where we’d sit so still and let the silence watch as
we counted in unison our heartbeats in the serenity,
feels now like a mansion haunted.
I can hear the silence speaking to my energy; mocking at those times.
I can't pace pensively, that way that both annoyed and intrigued you,
now I dwale, and I'm sure it'll amuse you.
That's if I can ever make you laugh again because the last time we met
you swore Never AGAIN!
That's when I lost you.
This can't be my lane, it rains every day, I no longer have a parade.
Hopefully, I can keep up this charade.
Everyone wonders why I look blue, my feet no longer look happy,
sticking to the floor like glue but I am far from my centre of gravity,
I fear I may still fall... In love, out of love, far from us.
I did you wrong, and for way too long, your hate is now too strong,
not even dynamite will break, not even the rivers will move it an inch, it's planted like a stake, crucifying me.
Your stare is both a knife and the sun, piercing through my ego,
burning away at what I thought was my secrets,
till there's nothing left but guilt, and this bleeding fool.
Take take take, was all I did, it made you cry;
and even when I said sorry
“Fake Fake FAKE!”, my heart glared, “Do better” it sighed.
We were in love, but I pushed us out of sync, our frequencies out of phase,
it all became distorted.
Taking away the melody, leaving just the noise.
I don’t deserve you.
But I still do love you...
If anyone else knew, they’d think I am crazy, maybe I am.
B. E. E. T
