Emotional Manipulation 101: Guilt-Tripping

Alright, fellow sadists! If you’re really interested in getting what you want in life, then you have to know how to exploit people properly. Overt violence is out of the question since those tactics are too obvious and will cause more trouble for you than anyone else in the long run.

We need to adopt a more subtle approach and there is hardly any approach towards manipulation more effective than guilt tripping. Eliciting guilt can be achieved in a variety of different ways, with the success of such attempts often relying on how seasoned we are at abusing people. So, experience helps! Other factors come into play too, for the seasoned abuser understands that knowing the target can be just as valuable as knowing the craft.

Allow me to explain, this is important since guilt is, to borrow Wiki’s definition,

“ an experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes — accurately or not — that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.”

Without some knowledge of what our target values, we are at best left engaging in the embarrassing spectacle of blindly throwing anything against the wall with the desperate hope that something will stick.

Sometimes the effect can be quite funny, as is the case with this “guilt trip fail” that I found on the internet.

Customer: “Hey, you guys sell fish food and supplies, but do you have any fish?”

Me: “No, sorry sir, we don’t sell pets.”

Customer: “Where do they sell pets?”

Me: “A pet store?”

Customer: “Is there one of those near here?”

Me: “Uhm, I really don’t know.”

Customer: “Will you take me to it?”

Me: “… no?”

Customer: “Sam Walton would take me to it!”

Me: “Sam Walton is dead.”

It is for this reason that this tactic is most effectively utilized within the interactions of our most intimate relationships. The longer somebody is around you and the closer you are to the person then, naturally, the more information you have about them to blackmail.

So, other than requiring knowledge of the target, how do we get the target to believe that he’s violated his own standards as well as being fully responsible for that violation?

As we saw with the disgruntled Sam Walton loving customer, you can’t just throw out the guilt-tripping phrases point-blank. Effective guilt tripping must be preceded with a remarkably elaborate set up. Some use a “Generosity” phase that is designed to build to the success of later accusations of selfishness. During the “generosity” phase what we do is offer to buy food, drinks, lend money, clean your room, ect.

What distinguishes this pseudo-generosity from real generosity is the underlying motive.

True generosity is to give without any expectation of reciprocity. You’ve got to make this look as genuine as possible. This creates a strong desire for these empaths to return the favor in some way or another. It is in this moment wherein they reveal their values (in this case its reciprocity) and as a result, that‘s the value we high-jack and use against them!

So, if they keep saying no after you ask them for what you want, you can say,

“What do you mean you can’t give me a discount? I’ve been a paying customer for nearly a decade! ”

Or, “You don’t want to go to your aunt’s birthday dinner? Remember all those times she’s been there for you? All the things she’s gotten you over the years? ”

People with a conscience usually can’t stand feeling like that they’ve done anyone wrong and so usually immediately comply, no matter how unreasonable your request is. Genius, huh? See, when we guilt them, we don’t have to lift a finger! The trick is to get these empaths to attack themselves.

Let’s say they don’t have a strong desire to return the favor. No matter. Since most of them still don’t want to be seen as selfish, we can hook in to that desire instead. While accusations of selfishness were implied in the earlier examples, sometimes at the right timing, we can be more explicit.

“You don’t want to help your mother with the yard work? I thought you were better than that?! I thought you were dependable…”

See, we can become really creative and pile on layers of complexity to this trick. You can use non verbal communication and shake your head from side to side disapprovingly and then walk away, for example. You know, as if you’ve “given up” on them. Heck if you’re a women, throw in some crocodile tears! Sensitive men hate when women cry and will immediately jump to comfort you. Take advantage of their biological disposition to white knight!

It’s a no-win situation for the target that wreaks havoc on their nervous system. Prolonged exposure to this kind of abuse transforms the mechanism of guilt, which is designed to send tolerable internal cues to help one adjust his actions for the benefit of his own happiness, into a mechanism that signals for the adjustment of actions to avoid our punishment.

However, as effective as this tactic might be, you have to be careful.

The subtle message that is impeded in guilt tripping is that, “If I don’t get what I wan’t, then I’ll be sad and that’s bad. Therefore, if you don’t give me what I want you’ll be a bad person”.

In other words, this only works if the person being manipulating is not a bad person like us. In other words, we are appealing to someone’s good nature, sensitivity, and a desire not to hurt others. If someone were genuinely a bad person like us, then they wouldn’t care about hurting someone and thus, guilt tripping wouldn’t work. Kind of a glaring contradiction, I know! So, if your going to use guilt tripping, use it on the really good people!

Remember, even the most clever manipulators cannot bend reality itself to their will, but we can bend people, especially when we find the weakest, kindest ones.

P.S.

This was satire. I don’t condone manipulation. I’m simply raising other’s awareness, so they don’t fall prey to this nasty trick.