How To Get A Man
Back to Basics
There are millions of sources out there on how a woman can get a man. Tips on how to style your hair, how to flirt, and proper etiquette on a date. Most of these sources, however, fail to ask some pretty basic questions:
Why do you want a man?
What do you admire about men?
What do men and women bring to the world, respectively?
If one’s goal is to marry a man and live happily ever after, answering these questions is vitally important. Understanding why you like men will not only help you find a man, it will help you keep one.
Successful marriages foster fondness and admiration (according to John Gottman’s multi-decade studies on marriage and divorce). Conversely, showing contempt for your partner on a regular basis basically guarantees divorce in your future (unless there is a major intervention).
Here are just a few things I admire about men:
I admire how strong men are. I can be struggling with a pickle jar for a while, and my husband can just come over and pop it right off. It’s fascinating!
It’s a trick of empathy sometimes to remember that men are so strong. When my husband sweeps me up into his arms, I have a moment of real surprise, even alarm. Not because I have any doubt in how crazy strong he is, but because my first point of reference is my own experience. I can’t even do a pull up!
This strength goes beyond muscle. Men’s skin is literally thicker than women’s, which may explain why they need fewer lotions and potions to maintain their healthy glow. This also echoes tribal times, when it was the men going out to hunt and the women staying within the village. Men needed thicker skin to go out into the world to do battle.
Another thing I love about men is their vast ambition. Men want to conquer the world, and I find this beautiful and inspiring.
Our chemical differences play a role. Studies show estrogen’s association with prudence and caution. Men tend take more risks than women and make quick, decisive decisions, which I deeply admire about men. Though, admittedly, sometimes it makes me nervous!
Because men have more testosterone they typically are more competitive. Male competitiveness is a wonderful thing; it’s moved society forward technologically. That smart phone you are reading this on? Thank men for inventing that.
The last thing I want to mention is men’s stability. As a woman, my emotions vary from week to week depending in large part to my hormonal cycle. If I watch The Fault is In Our Stars on just the right day of the month, I will be completely in tears and sobbing uncontrollably. A week before or after though, I’ll get choked up, but nowhere near to the same level of emotional outpour.
Men, on the other hand, tend to have a consistent emotional response to similar stimuli from week to week. I am so grateful to have that kind of stability in my life via my husband. Men’s consistency keeps society running. Thank you, men!
The differences between men and women can be beautifully complimentary, when it is celebrated and appreciated. Relishing and delighting in the virtues of men will do more for your hunt for the perfect man than any spa treatment or haircut out there.
So, what do you love about men?