Knowing Yourself and Kicking Ass

The utility of self-knowledge depends on what you are trying to do. How much is an appropriate level of knowledge has something to do with how well it helps you achieve what you want. Self knowledge is knowledge which you have of yourself — how you relate to the world.

We’re rational animals, even if we sometimes act in irrational ways. Our massive brains are what help us navigate this complex, and ever changing world. We change, our goals change, and it’s necessary to keep learning. We accumulate knowledge and use that knowledge to make our lives what they are.

Like knowledge in general, some self knowledge is pure trivia. It’s not important that I know the capitals of so many states and countries. And it’s not essential to know that I breathe a little more shallow during action sequences in movies and TV.

We tend to have a good deal of respect for a person who is knowledgeable about business. We feel it less for the person who knows a ton about the fictional Star Trek universe. Knowing a lot about Star Trek has value, but it’s not a practical kind of knowledge.

“No one is coming to save you” - Nathaniel Branden

There are some basic skills we need to develop to be healthy functioning adults. We need to learn how to provide for ourselves, meet our own needs, and cooperate with other people. We also need to navigate our social, economic, and political environments. And we all start somewhere.

Children don’t come with the vocabulary to identify their feelings. They lack the skills to manage their frustrations, or soothe their anxieties. To take on new responsibilities and develop into adults, they need to learn a great deal, not just about their bodies, but about their own minds.

Frustration, in a broad sense, is having expectations which do not match up with reality. Someone who doesn’t adapt to his situation will feel frustrated or unfit to handle challenges in his life. Having knowledge of one’s expectations, and the ability to adapt, is necessary self knowledge.

There are plenty of examples we could point to which we could consider essential self knowledge, for healthy adult life. Things like: knowing how you come across to other people, learning to avoid unpleasant events, having a sense of irony, and more.

Ideally, we learn these skills under the guidance of a supportive family and community. Tragically, we are often forced to abandon that learning in response to abuse or neglect. We have to learn strategies which serve our immediate needs, but which become maladaptive later in life. In these cases, psychotherapy can be great.

Feeling depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed with life’s challenges for too long demands self knowledge. Revisiting the basics of self knowledge may be necessary. A life coach or psychotherapist can help a ton. It helped me a great deal.

“Mental health is a lifelong habit” — Stefan Molyneux

When I entered therapy back in 2010, I remember researching the various personality disorders. My therapist reassured me that everyone has some traits described in these symptom lists. It’s okay to show some exhibitionism (histrionic personalities). And it’s okay if you sometimes lack concern for others (antisocial personalities) (i.e. sociopathy).

What makes it a personality disorder is largely how it affects your life. This isn’t a perfect standard for mental health, but it points us in the right direction. Our minds have evolved to help us overcome challenges in our lives. If our minds get in the way of being effective, rational people, then we can reasonably call this a measure of ill health.

Like physical health, mental health depends to some degree on our goals and what we are trying to do. As a computer programmer, there aren’t many physical demands on me. As long as I’m not poisoning my brain with excessive alcohol, or becoming ill because of a poor diet / lifestyle, I can get my work done. I take decent care of myself, but I’m not going to be running any marathons soon. As compared to a professional athlete, I am not super healthy.

Likewise, if you never plan on getting married, having children, or being a business success, and you have everything you need to get by, then there are going to be fewer demands on you to gain self knowledge. You don’t need to be an expert on managing the stress of new situations if you don’t find yourself in new situations.

“Necessity is the mother of invention” — Unknown

What amount of self knowledge you should have in any area should depend, in part, on what you are trying to accomplish. Your goals should determine what you reflect and introspect about. This seems obvious enough, but this isn’t always how I behave. Sometimes I let my current level of knowledge determine what my goals are. This is like deciding that I never will run a marathon because I’m not fit enough for it already. If I want to run a marathon, I need to prepare.

Clearly, it is beneficial to prepare before entering the dating arena, or entering a new industry, or getting married and having kids. But in most areas of life, the majority of learning you do is on-the-job.

When I learned that I might be able to get a job as a software developer, that lit a fire under my ass. I worked hard to learn enough to exceed people’s expectations and get what I want out of that position. The same thing happened when I thought I might be able to date the woman I’m now engaged to (yay!). Fully committing to getting what you want brings with it creativity and focus, and that offers new perspective and insight. So often, commitment precedes self knowledge.

At my job, I am forced to learn new skills all the time to complete my projects. If I were to turn down projects because I don’t know how to do them yet, then I would probably be fired, and for good reason. My job is to gain knowledge, more than it is to already have knowledge. And that’s how life is, in general.

I’m convinced that after you’ve got the basics of self knowledge out of the way (enough to know what you want), the rest of the work is in having goals and achieving them. As long as our goals keep changing, this work never ends.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

“Knowledge is responsibility, which is why people avoid knowledge” — Stefan Molyneux