A Job Interview For The Real World

Make sure to come unprepared.

“What would you say is your biggest weakness?” The interviewer shifts her copy of the resume closer to the center of the table, adjusting her position to get a better look at the candidate.

“Well… I’m a perfectionist. I just want to do everything right.” Worried that wasn’t a good enough answer, they continue, “I’m a quick learner. I soak everything up like a sponge. I’ll work twice as hard as the next person to make sure things are done right.”

There’s a pause.

“How do you determine what’s right?”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

The interviewer flips over the resume, removing the constructed sense of self from the table. She starts slowly,

“How do you determine what’s right? You use the word as if there’s one baseline that we all follow. As if people don’t have their own rules of balance. The concept of right is a generational definition passed down from one mouth to another like a mama bird feeding her babies.”

“I work hard. Very hard.” A shaky voice almost trails off.

“Do you ever question it?”

The white walls seem closer than they were minutes before. The interviewer flips the resume back over, but doesn’t look down to read it.

“Between third grade to fourth grade, you went from being a regular kid to a gifted kid. You were put in a special class. You never wondered how the other kids outside of the program felt. Instead, you grew up, trying to retain this feeling of being special. You took extra classes over the summer to get ahead. If you weren’t ahead, you felt behind. You constructed the right answers on exams, wrote the right formulaic essays, said the right responses in class. You adapted to be perfect.

Then, you went to college and it was the same. But, now this is the real world. This isn’t a math problem you can solve. It’s not in MLA format.

Perfection does not exist outside certain parameters. When we walk across a bridge, we believe in perfection. When we fly on a plane, we believe in perfection. When we create, when we learn, we deconstruct.

Taking things apart, it seems easy at first. Until you feel stupid. That’s when the withdrawals come. The high of feeling special. The kick of being perfect.

So you come here, seeking external validation, searching for another hit.”

Wide eyes. Dry mouth. Itchy palms.

“Your biggest weakness is not perfection.” She grabs the resume, crumpling it up as it leaves the table, tossing it into her mouth. Like a baby bird.

“It’s the not knowing how to deal with uncertainty.”

A moment passes. Another one.

A gulp.

“Well, I can certainly say Glassdoor did not prepare me for this.”