Are you a skeptic? Or are you a creator?
This is a quick mental distinction that can help you persist and make big things happen.
Since I came to the US for my PhD, a lot of people started asking me about how I applied, searched, what was required and so on. Yesterday I talked to a friend about the process and she said: “Oh yes, the TOEFL. I would have to take TOEFL. Hmmmm…” I could sense hesitation and resistance in her tone. And I remembered myself at the same point. I was scared!
Many people told me: “TOEFL is really hard. It’s not the type of exam we got used to. Not everyone can pass it.” TOEFL was my Mount Everest. At certain point I started my prep, full of respect. It was not too bad. After a month or two I was ready and I passed TOEFL with an outstanding score.
Then my friend told me: “TOEFL is easy, GRE is a nightmare.” And it was. I worked very hard. And passed it with a good score.
Then my friend told me: “Don’t get too excited about this entire process. You will work very hard and reach out to people and probably no one will accept you.” She also told me that getting the recommendation letters will be the worst part of the process. I was supposed to collect many. Quickly. I freaked out. How the hell will I get any of that done?
It turned out that, as soon as I started reaching out, I’ve got a direct offer. I went with my gut and said ‘Yes’. Letters of recommendation were the easiest part. Everything worked out well.
After tons of similar situations, I had to conclude that things work out eventually. With effort, with focus, with devotion, with hope. Yes, some projects fail and it is inevitable. But if you’re trying in a smart and optimistic way, some endeavors will have to succeed. And people will scare you more often than encourage you. Which reminds me of a crucial question:
ARE YOU A SKEPTIC? OR ARE YOU A CREATOR?
You can’t be both at the same time. Choose the side. Skeptic or creator?
Here is the difference. Skeptics do not create. Skeptics criticize, complain, whine, look for the flaws in theory, examples of failures from the past, 100 worst case scenarios, 100 reasons why the project might fail, they are focused on what’s not there, what’s bad and what’s not working. Skeptics work pretty hard. However, skeptics don’t create.
Small, healthy dose of skepticism can be beneficial and can prevent you from squandering your time, money and energy. Skepticism is good in scientific research. But higher doses may kill your dreams and aspirations before you even start. “Too hard/big/crazy/confusing/impossible/unrealistic/risky,” you may conclude, open a beer and start watching new TV show. It’s so easy to see how things could go wrong.
In communication with others we often think it’s our duty to warn them about worst case scenarios. “That won’t work.” “It’s so hard to do XYZ these days…” “You won’t be able to make a career out of it.” “Be realistic.” It’s not good to encourage people to go in debt or leave their jobs or studies without plan B. But other than that, aren’t we way too skeptical towards others and towards ourselves? Did we turn into a serial dream killers in our hectic chase for money, stable career or whatever else we’re striving for? How many hopes and chances have we buried with our “realism”?
Next time you catch yourself doing a reality check, try to answer the question: AM I BEING A SKEPTIC? OR AM I BEING A CREATOR RIGHT NOW? Please, choose to be a creator. When you start bitching and doubting, ask yourself this question again. It will help you do your work. It will help you feel better and detach from the outcome. You will be able to support and hail to your fellow creators.
All of us are different. And every single situation is different. How do you know what is going to happen? Internet is full of stories about authors who had hundreds of rejection and as soon as one person said ‘Yes’, they had a best-seller. Thousands of skeptics. One creator. Who will be remembered? Who will make world a little bit better?
Your turn. Tell me about your success that happened despite a lot of people who were skeptical. I love those stories.
And if you have a friend who could use some encouragement, please share this post with him or her.
XXX
Miss Strangelove
P. S. Cookie of Wisdom: “Those who lack the courage are often the first to discourage.” Robert J. Braathe ((Tweet this!))
Originally published at www.missstrangelove.com on February 11, 2016.
