Re-Defining Failure
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines failure as the following:
1. a : omission of occurrence or performance; specifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected action <failure to pay the rent on time>b (1) : a state of inability to perform a normal function <kidney failure> — compare heart failure (2) : an abrupt cessation of normal functioning <a power failure>c : a fracturing or giving way under stress <structural failure>
2. 2a : lack of success b : a failing in business : bankruptcy
3. 3a : a falling short : deficiency <a crop failure>b : deterioration, decay
4. 4: one that has failed
I’d like to re-examine how we define failure. I believe that this is the key to to letting go of some of these thoughts and feelings that keep us trapped in our past mistakes. Once we can forgive ourselves for what we consider to be short-comings, we can then re-direct our thoughts and energy into the present, and ultimately achieve what we want in the future.
If we take a look at some of the most successful people in the world, it will give us a better perspective on failure. Stephen King, a bestselling author, received over 30 rejections for his first novel, “Carrie”, before receiving a “yes”. Bill Gates, one of the most well known billionaires in the world, dropped out of college to start his first business that ultimately failed.
What I notice when I examine several stories of highly successful people are a few key qualities that allowed them to continue moving forward:
- Relentless Pursuit — they never gave up in the face of adversity, and they found the strength to keep going no matter what.
- Strong sense of self — They did not depend on the reassurance or approval of others to define their worth.
- Risk Takers — The failures that they encountered did not make them afraid to continue taking risks.
So the question is — how do we allow ourselves to let go of our failures so that we can be relentless, confident, risk taking bad asses?
Below are some ideas and tools to help you let go of your failures. All of us process information differently, and I recommend selecting the approach that seems most like you. If you find yourself drawn to multiple approaches, try out as many as you need to find the right fit. You may need to practice this multiple times, so don’t get discouraged if this is not an immediate fix!
The goal is to remove some of the self-limiting beliefs that pop up for you when you find it difficult to continue moving forward. I believe that within all of us is a relentless, confident, risk-taker. Removing the negative association that we have around failing will help you to get back in touch with that part of you that won’t let anything hold you back.
Various Approaches to Letting Go of Failure
Visual Approach — You are someone that writes down tasks that you need to complete to help you remember them. If someone were to give a long presentation, you find it easier to concentrate if there are visual images that help you to absorb the information. You gain clarity by visualizing different potential outcomes, that then lead you to information to get your desired results.
- Visualization exercise — Find a quiet place where you can close your eyes, and where you won’t be interrupted. Visualize the failures or mistakes that you are hanging on to as colorful balloons that slowly float of into the distance until they disappear. If you prefer, you can mentally pop these balloons as well! This will help you to separate the failure from who you are, and realize that they are thoughts that you are in control of.
- Drawing exercise — First, draw out a failure that pops up for you frequently as well as what it represents. It might look like a person, a monster or maybe it’s just words. Next, draw out all of the positives that came from that failure. Was there something you learned, or did it show you a new approach? Find a way to visually represent a way to reframe this failure and attach it to new images.
Spiritual/ Energy Approach — You are someone that has a strong connection to your energy, and you likely have a belief system around how energy is related to what you manifest in your life. You gain clarity through activities such as meditation, yoga, or other types of activities that help you connect with yourself.
- Clearing your personal energy — Find a place where you can close your eyes and where you won’t be interrupted. This will be most beneficial when a failure consuming your thoughts. Check in with your body and notice any sensations or feelings that are there. Next imagine that warm rain drops start raining down on you with loving and forgiving energy. With intention, ask that your energy is cleared of any negative energy, stagnant energy, or energy that no longer serves you. Ask that your energy is only of light and love. Check in again and notice any changes within your body or mind that have occurred. You may even want to try this one in the shower!
- Meditation — YouTube is a great source for free guided meditations. Find one that is the best fit for what you need. I would recommend searching “guided meditation forgiveness” or “guided meditation failure”. Whatever it is that you need more of in your life to help you overcome this failure will serve you well. Below are a few suggestions to get you started:
Re-Defining Failure | Self Forgivness — This is a 7 minute guided meditation that I created and recorded.
o Discovering Your Worthiness — This is a 24 minute guided meditation by Lisa Nichols that I really enjoyed. It touches on various topics relating to letting go of your old stories and negative beliefs.
Auditory Approach- You are someone that can easily get distracted by noise or sound when you are trying to focus. You gain clarity by talking it out with other people as a way of organizing your thoughts and feelings.
- Meditation — See the description above for a meditation exercise. Meditation may be slightly out of your comfort zone, but it’s certainly worth a try if you have not tried this in the past! I have heard numerous times from people that they feel that they can’t concentrate or clear their mind when they have tried to meditate. This is totally okay! It is completely natural to have thoughts pop in to your mind. Acknowledge that the thought is there, and focus on your breathing to bring the attention back. Guided meditations are much easier to focus since there is someone guiding your thoughts.
- Talk it out — Find a trusted friend or companion that will allow you to talk to them about a failure you are trying to overcome. Be careful to not get stuck in the past! I’m sure you’ve told the story to yourself a number of times, with every single detail about your failure. You will be better served if you keep it focused on the present and future. Ask yourself questions like “What is important about this now?”, and “What did I gain from this?” to start finding the new information. Don’t leave it to the other person to ask you the questions, but allow them to be there to listen and support you as you work this out aloud. You may even wish to share with them your objective so that they can help you stick to it. Another option is to set up a session with a coach. Most coaches offer the first session free, and they can help you explore this topic further.
Logical Approach- You are someone that prefers to stick to the facts, and you have the ability to easily separate yourself and your emotions from any situation. You gain clarity by sticking to the facts, and utilizing proven methods or known remedies to logically overcome them.
- Journal or Writing Exercise- Write down what bothers you about this failure that you can’t shake, and why you believe you can’t let go of it. Allow yourself to jot down anything and everything that comes to mind, and don’t worry about using complete sentences. Next, act as though you are your personal defense attorney. What facts would you choose to present to a jury that focus on the positives of this failure? What values are most important to you that are in direct conflict with the failures that you are hanging on to?
- Learn more about someone that you admire — This may be a real living person that you know personally, or someone famous. You likely already know all about the success they’ve had if you admire them. Dig a bit deeper and examine the path that they took to get to where they are today. If this is someone famous it will probably involve some online research to learn about the obstacles and challenges they faced. If it’s a person that you know, talk to them directly and learn about the obstacles and failures directly from the source.
Tactile Approach- You are someone that learns best by performing tasks, and you find it easier to commit something to memory if it involves doing (opposed to seeing or hearing). You gain clarity by actively doing something while you think, such as taking a walk by yourself or cleaning the house.
- Throw it away — Physically write down specifics that are coming up for you around your failure. It might be how it makes you feel, or what you feel that you lost. Next you are going to decide that you don’t want them to be a part of your life any longer, and you will crumple them up and throw them in the trash! I even have a friend that chooses to burn the pieces of paper, but please be very cautious and make sure that you can do this in a SAFE way. It’s not worth starting a fire and having a whole other failure that you need to overcome!
- Get moving — Think of an activity that has brought you clarity in the past. It might be some form of exercise, or going for a leisurely hike in a beautiful area. Set the intention of what you are looking for before you start the activity, and allow your mind to focus on all the positives of the failure that you are trying to shake. Once your mind starts thinking in a positive way, it will start to present you many ideas that you didn’t think of previously.
If you identify with one of these approaches, but not necessarily the suggested activity, I encourage you to brainstorm about something different that you can do that plays on your natural way of processing information.
My hope is that you will not only make some discoveries, but that you will use these discoveries to create a new definition of failure that you can remind yourself of when you are feeling stuck. This definition may involve all of the positives that came out of a mistake or failure, or it may re-frame it in a way that views it as a step in the right direction.
Here are a few ideas pulled from various quotes to get your wheels spinning! I’d love for you to share what you discover to be your new definition of failure.
“Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something.” -Morihei Ueshiba
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” -Thomas Edison
“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” -Michael Jordan
Connect with me!
Ashley@CoachAshleyBradley.info
Ashley Bradley Coaching YouTube Channel
Ashley Bradley Coaching on Facebook
