Stupid Simple Way To Get Over Fear Of Rejection
This story originally appeared in my book club. Since I recently sold the company I launched at 19 years old — we did $5m in sales and raised $2.5m in VC- I’ve shifted my focus to reading a book a day. Join my book club now to see what a 26 year old with one exit under his belt is reading.
You don’t get what you don’t ask for.
The problem? Many of you are scared to death of being told no, failing.
I just finished reading Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang. Jia is a native to Beijing, China who came to the US to be the next Bill Gates.
Then, rejection happened.
Click here to buy the book on amazon and read along.
3 big lessons I took from this book:
Fear of rejection is bigger obstacle than any single rejection would ever be.
100 Days of Rejection, Day 1:
Jia was walking in hotel lobby and decided to ask security guard if he could borrow $100.
“Excuse me” Jia said.
“Do you think I could borrow $100 from you?”
“No, why?”
“No? All right. No? OK, thanks!” Jia said fumbling.
Immediately Jia felt shameful, walked away, and took a seat to ponder what just happened.
He could have said so many things — the guard gave Jia the chance to explain why he was asking for $100 and Jia missed the opportunity.
Next time you find yourself in a position to ask for something big, go for it. Remember no matter what the answer is, you’re going to sleep that night, wake up the next morning and be fine. There’s no risk!
The response has little to do with you.
During one of Jia’s 100 days, he asked three different offices in an office building: “Can I work here for one day?”
The office attendants responded in three very different ways. Their responses reflected their own attitudes, sense of curiosity, and risk tolerance.
Remember when you get rejected, it’s never you. It’s always just a reflection of how the other person is feeling so make sure you set up your big ask with a great first impression. Get them in the optimal mood and frame of mind to say yes.
When you are confident, friendly, and open, people are more inclined to go along with the request; even if they say no, they at least stay engaged longer to ask questions.
Snake Bites, Opioids, and your next big ask
When humans feel physical pain, our brains release natural painkilling chemicals called opioids. The same is true for social pain.
So remember, fear of rejection is evolutionary.
Without the fear of snakes, there would be many more fatal snake bites; without the fear of enclosed spaces, more of us would be found, years later, stuck in drainpipes and crawl spaces.
These are life and death scenarios and many times social rejection feels like something worse than death. Our primal instincts still lurk around in our brain — shut them off when tackling rejection.
Just remember, your fear is natural. Now overcome it and make big asks. Do no small things.
If you liked these book notes, you’ll probably like these too:
Billionaire Red McCombs: “You Either Make Dust, Or Eat It”
The Most Persuasive Man Ever That You’ve Never Heard Of
Hey there! Quick favor: if you click that heart button below, it means more people will see these lessons for free. Would mean the world to me. Thanks! -NL :)
