The Unintended Consequence of Comparison

Recently, I read a biography of a pretty famous writer.

Two main thoughts sprang to mind while reading — the author was supremely talented, but also deeply discontented.

What I also did was keep score.

I measured this famous writer’s accomplishments to my own at the same age…I didn’t win on writing accomplishments, but I’d like to think I won on the personal front.

…So since I “won” because I have a more stable marriage and family than the famous author, this means what? Does this now justify my desire for comparison?

…And has this little game benefited anyone?

Definitely not.

Why that game is wrong:

It’s a complete and utter lack of compassion and respect for another person — whether they’re successful or not. When I keep score in that type of way, I’m commoditizing my own life and the lives of others — reducing it down to accomplishments.

Comparing myself like that to a famous author also devalues who I am as a person, and commoditizes myself, too. I’m boiling down the complexities of myself only to what I can do or make or create.

That’s selfish. It’s also really unfair to me. It’s unfair to my wife. It’s unfair to my family.

I am more than that to them. When I do that, I’m placing my skills over who I am as a person.

The Selfish Side of Comparison

The other side of judging someone accomplished or famous like that also has a selfish side — because I’m also thinking about what has that very successful person done for me lately? It’s the impulse to always want to know ”what are you working on next?” That’s an insatiable desire because jealously, we want to be where they are, and we want something else from them.

It’s really easy to treat our creative heroes as something they’re not. They are amazing people doing amazing things. But that’s usually not enough. Instead, we want them to be amazing people doing amazing things for us.

I’m devaluing them when I only look for what they can give.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Teddy Roosevelt

Comparison doesn’t only steal my joy from the work, it takes away the joy I could have in other people’s work as well.

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I’m Josh Spilker and I blog about writing and books. Sign up for my weekly newsletter and you’ll get a list of 64 Online Writing Tools that you can use right way. Get it here.