White People…I/We/You Must Do Better
You may see this as white guilt, but let’s not be basic. We need to start working harder (and the selfies aren’t helping)
A week ago I quickly posted to facebook in gratitude of those who were marching as I was unable to attend. I also sent a text to my sisters expressing my love for them and my gratefulness for the way they helped raise me to be the proud gay man I am today. I unabashedly supported the cause without understanding the root — most importantly its flaws.
In reflection, I now see that my uninformed expression of gratitude came from a place of complete privilege. In doing so, I failed to recognize some very important things…
So today, I acknowledge — in the wake of these historic events — I forgot how my existence as a white gay male influences my perspective, and therefore I did not honor the reality of what last Saturday (should have) meant.
There have been many articles posted since those marched united to protest the very things we fear, now sitting in the White House: sexism, racism, xenophobia and homophobia (among other forms of deplorable, radical hate). Many of these articles highlighted the inaction of whites, the dangerous privilege of our convenient perspective, or referencing other marches — like Ferguson — where it is evident that Black Women (among other minorities) are to thank for so much progress, and becoming models of true strength in times of fear.
White People…we should be better. We should have cared more. I should have done more. I should have liked less selfies and called more senators…called out more people for their inexcusable behaviors and language that belittle the my very existence and that of my brothers & sisters. The very language that I, at times, have used myself. I should have done better.
I should have sacrificed my voice so others oppressed — by the very systems that encourage me to voice my opinion — may speak words more necessary today than mine.
I should have…
And yet I didn’t do all I could.
So this is the best I have to offer in retrospect:
I/we/you are human.
I/we/you exist in a system that favors my/your white skin and (potentially) male sex and educates me to further facilitate my privilege, ideally with little self acknowledgement.
I am finally understanding that only WE can solve the problem and YOU have been suffering more than I have cared to acknowledge. I should say sorry, but I won’t. My actions are mine to own and learn from, and a sorry will only appease my guilt — not fix the problem.
And this is the best I have to offer moving forward:
I will be an ally to those I cannot fully understand but deserve my full attention.
I will shut up more than I speak out, except for when the actions or rhetoric I witness is harmful not helpful. Then I will obstruct, understand, resist & educate.
I will dedicate my time when not “shut up” to opening the doors between our privileged, white selves and those whose voices we must hear and actions we must support & mimic.
I will continue to have dialogue as openly as possible — especially with the “other side” — to understand the lives of those I do not live but must live amongst. They must learn that hate is not an opinion nor option.
I will attempt in all my efforts to reposition our fight against each other towards the evil that sits at the highest seat of representation and power.
I will continue to try and acknowledge and counteract the privilege I was so randomly granted, yet have benefited from for almost 28 years.
I will continue to be white. I will continue to be male. I will continue to be gay. And I will continue to be an Active Ally.
I cannot/will not change these things about me, only what I do.
To my fellow white Americans who marched:
Thank you for recognizing that we may not sit inactive. As I am doing my best to learn, please also be aware that the fight cannot be when convenient or popular, and it certainly doesn’t end in a day or only with our feet. The fight must equally be for those who do not have what we have milked for too long.
I have no full answers for how to do this yet, other than listen, support, and never stop the action or improvement.
Beyond that, we must ask those who have been fighting for decades on how we can support them and dismantle the very privilege we benefit from by looking to them as leaders, not less-ers.
A march can make a movement, but only continuous action can enact change.
To my fellow white people who voted for DJT but regret it:
I get it…but you can’t take your vote back. You can, however, help take action and resist the hate he so readily demonstrates at every opportunity. This is your responsibility. Do not let the need to satiate what guilt you feel paralyze you from becoming part of the resistance. There is not time for this, and we are not deserving during this moral crisis.
To my fellow white people who didn’t or couldn’t vote (including me):
You must do better. No questions, no excuses. 2018 is closer than you think, start educating. If you cannot see the reason to vote, or feel it is not a good use of your time, please make a comment so we can have dialogue about this. I’d like to hear why, and tell you why I may think otherwise. Perhaps we can come to a compromise, because I/We need you in less than two years. We just do.
And to my fellow white people who continue support the man sitting in the Oval Office:
I understand that much has been, from your perspective, harmful to you or taken from you. I do not, however, understand the justification of hateful action and rhetoric, only continued by your silence on the matter. This silence is as equally inexcusable as the shouting coming from his golden throne.
I come here not to argue politics, but the unacceptable behaviors that are further dividing our country, making many of its citizens unsafe, and putting hundreds of thousands of lives at risk. I know you want to Make America Great again, but my question is:
Why must we TAKE instead of GIVE — rights, benefits, safety and opportunity — to return our country to the reverence it has historically held?
No forward movement in this country has ever succeeded from such actions.
I am willing to listen and understand. You must be willing to acknowledge that these things — good for no one in this country — are not okay.
They don’t just hurt “me.” They hurt us all.
Last, to my fellow citizens — people of color, different counties of origin and genders not my own:
Please help me and my fellow white Americans understand the best ways to support, not just say. It is clear we don’t know what to do, and are often scared, confused and sometimes ignorant. There are no excuses.
Now we must own our responsibilities we have avoided for so long. If I’m sorry for one thing, it’s this.
Please…help me/us know what to do to support and be better at fighting the right fight.
I know we haven’t listened better before when you’ve been shouting, but I swear to God we are listening now.
Lead us. We will follow.
This country was founded on the dream of freedom and hope for prosperity — through unity of country and support of self, not the superiority of whiteness. Our initial interpretation clearly isn’t working; we need a new way. My eyes and ears are open, and so too should yours be. Not to the hate, but to the hope in the power we hold, demonstrated many times before by the same people who continue to suffer today.
The marches…these protests…were a beautiful beginning, but let’s figure out how we end this. As I am learning from my sister, there is no room for neutrality or convenience in this moral crisis.
Now is the time to stand by our principles.
But we cannot do it with anger alone in our hearts. Compassion for those who have been long at this fight due to our very privilege is critical (and yes, I mean actual compassion, not just empathy).
Once again, to those who know this battle all too well…teach me/us. Tell me I am wrong and help me see the better way. Teach me how to fight.
I am upset you must carry another burden…but every journey starts somewhere. Mine is starting here. White people… yours needs to too.
Let us learn together.
I/we/you can do better.
In fact, I’m not sure I/we/you have a choice anymore.
There are many ways to start taking action. You can find a few below. Please also feel free to comment with suggestions, questions or ideas. We can only do this together ❤️
