“10 Things I Said to Men During Lovemaking That Changed Their Lives Forever”
Interview with international spirituality and sexuality teacher Michal Mayaan Don
Michal is an ex-lover of mine, a very dear friend, and a special woman in my life. We met in 2015 when I was traveling through Israel for a few months and have been close friends since. For both of us, sexuality is part of our work and a big part of our life. While she was visiting South Africa recently, we decided to do an interview together. The topic was: 10 things she said to men during lovemaking that changed their lives forever. Exciting …!
Here we go! Following are the 10 things, in her own words:
1) Remember to breathe
OK, number one happened in 2012, it was in a tent, I was making love to this man and I could feel his energy going higher and higher and he was almost ejaculating. I just said to him: Breathe. That’s all.
He took a breath, his eyes opened like this and he could continue for longer, much, much longer. He told me that ever since that moment, he always takes a breath when he is getting too charged.
What happens is that firstly you put your mind somewhere else, you concentrate on taking a breath, so it moves the pressure from the sexual organs. Secondly, you become more spacious. There’s more space inside you for all this sexual arousal. There’s that instinct in all of us, men and women, when we’re super aroused and making love … to hold our breath. This is not good for the expansion of sexual sensations.
You will probably not be aware that you stopped breathing, but you can ask your partner to remind you to breathe. You will feel everything settling down and you’re ready to make more love before everything explodes.
2) Celebrate your orgasm
I noticed with many men that they are almost apologetic if they come too fast, if they ejaculate. Like there’s a voice in them saying you should have gone longer. I can sometimes see a little bit of disappointment when they come. No! Let’s celebrate your orgasm! So I say: “We’re going to stop everything that is happening now and celebrate the fact that you’re having an orgasm!”
Through that, you create more space for the orgasm because you bring awareness to it. When there’s more space for the orgasm and your mind learns how to be present with the orgasm — it expands. Then you experience longer and deeper orgasms.
Once we celebrate an orgasm, we expand it, we dive deep into the orgasmic sensation. Saying that to men really changes the way they feel while they make love. They’re not afraid of it. They’re not worried about it. They relax into it. It really doesn’t matter when the orgasm happens — enjoy, expand and celebrate it!
3) Do you feel your cock?
I love this one and I really say that to men during lovemaking. Do you feel your cock? Do you feel the sensations in your penis right now? This question inspires an inner reflection on how do I really feel while I’m making love? And you discover that you have all these different sensations during lovemaking, that it’s not all the same.
As you change the rhythm and the angle you notice many different waves of pleasure and men realize their pleasure is richer than they thought. Some men think that their pleasure is quite boring compared to ours (women), but that’s so not true. So the first thing that happens with this question is that they discover how their cock is making music, inside of them.
The other thing that happens is that instead of having all your attention concentrated on the sexual sensation, you put your mind on exploring and noticing your cock, and so there’s more relaxation and spaciousness in the whole body and in the penis. Then more magic can come through as you take more time to notice and be present.
4) Surf on seven
This is a bit more advanced. So, if there’s an imaginary scale between 1 and 10 where 1 is very low sexual excitement, and 10 is ejaculation, there’s a special space; it’s around 7. There’s a platform, a whole landscape that you can explore there. Something in men always wants to reach out for more excitement. More excitement. More excitement.
Yes, you could go to 9. There will be more excitement there, but there’s much more to explore when you surf on seven! That seven is such a beautiful space, allow yourself to explore and enjoy just being there.
This practice changes the neurological system and the neurological pattern. Instead of going up on the excitement scale, stay there. And when you choose, you can play with the edges and then go over them when you decide you are ready.
5) Your cock is a beam of light
It’s a more spiritual thing that I say to men and I’m always amazed by the reaction: In Sanskrit, the original language of Tantra, the penis is called lingam, which means beam of light.
Now, most men do not relate to their cock as a magic wand of light, of truth, of wonder, of goodness … So I tell men before, during or after lovemaking “you’re in me with your light, you’re in me with your beam of good energy and this is how you can relate to your cock — as a beam of light.” It’s absolutely incredible what happens when I say this! Everything changes in an instant!
He realizes that his penis is not a weapon, it’s not a tool, it’s an expression of his light. Their approach to their sexuality changes in a deep way, and that quickly. Explaining to a man that he’s making love with a lingam, which means beam of light — goes really deep!
Once the two partners are aware of light moving between them — that makes sexuality sacred. You don’t have to go through a long training. Sexuality becomes sacred there and then and I find that men will never have the same relationship with their cock after realizing this. Even if they think it’s bullshit. Even if they don’t buy it, something changes immediately.
6) You are not in charge of my orgasms
I once said to a man while we were making love for the first time “you’re not in charge of my orgasms, that’s not what we do here. Let go. Enjoy your body, enjoy your orgasmic field. Enjoy the journey. We’re making love, we’re not making orgasms.”
Wow, I could feel his tension drop. “I don’t need to perform. Here’s a woman that can take care of herself.” This took the pressure off him and changed everything. Wow — it was amazing to see the effect! Ever since, I never had to remind him again. There’s this pressure and idea that men need to satisfy women, and this will define how good the sex was. No! We’re making love! We’re mixing our energies, and we’ll see what happens …
7) Do you love your cock?
While making love I asked my partner “do you love your cock?” He had no idea what to say because he never pondered his relationship with his penis, it was just there.
He said, “I guess I do, but I don’t know.” This question sent him on a journey to start noticing what he feels toward his penis and it made him so much more connected to his cock. As a woman, making love to a man who loves his lingam and is intimately connected to it, I can feel the intimacy when he is coming to visit me inside. I can feel the wholeness.
Men have a lot of different relationships with their penis, some hate, some ignore, and some have judgment and want to fix their penis. Learning to love your cock changes the way you meet yourself as a lover and your beloved. As a woman, you feel that immediately. I can feel straight away what his relationship is with his penis, by his energy on his body and the way he walks and stands naked. It’s very, very valuable for the man to develop an intimate connection and loving space with his penis and it hugely improves his lovemaking.
There is this assumption that all men love and adore their cocks. That’s not true. Many are disconnected from it and used it as a tool more than as a loving expression of their being. Becoming more loving and intimate with your lingam means you’re maturing into a man, or a healthier lover. It’s a beautiful journey.
8) Activate your heart
Once I said to a man, “before you penetrate me, make sure that your heart is activated, that your heart is full of love, and only then penetrate.” I’m sensitive and I know when a man’s heart is not activated when he is making love with me. It is simple to do and all about the intention: before you penetrate, as you penetrate, feel and breathe into your heart or be present with your heart energy and only then move in.
This doesn’t mean at all that we’re talking about long-term couples. No! Every time there’s lovemaking and penetration — bring the heart in! You don’t need to marry that woman. She could be a lover or a once off experience. An open heart we can have with many people, we’re not talking about feeling romantic sensations with that person. That’s a whole different thing.
Bringing the heart to your lovemaking means penetrating with the fullness of your being and it includes the fullness of the heart. It’s a very simple question: are you in your heart and do you feel empathy and love and open-heartedness to this woman that you’re penetrating and making love to? If not, don’t bother.
9) Take a break
It’s a simple one, but it’s important: I invite my partners to take a break and to, for example, have some chocolate, make tea, or share a smoke on the balcony. With that comes an experience of we’re not starting here to end there, and that’s it. No, we’re taking a journey and in this journey, we can take a break and we can talk about things, and we can allow maybe some energies to be expressed not only as sexuality. Maybe there’s something deep that we talk about.
Taking a break or breaks during lovemaking teaches the system, there’s no rush. We are not going anywhere. Even if we said, we’ll just take a break for dark chocolate, and then something else happens and we don’t continue the lovemaking, it doesn’t matter. It brings relaxation to the man, the relaxation of everything is okay. No rush, no achievement. Why not take a break? It’s part of the journey.
10) Meet your energetic pussy
This one is very advanced. Okay, so we each don’t only have a physical body but also energetic bodies. When I make love to a man he has a physical penis and I have a physical pussy, but as energetic beings, we can be so much more.
During lovemaking, I have shown and taught men about their energetic vagina, which is right underneath the testicles, in the perineum. This is your softest part as a man. This is where energy penetrates you — the energy of the earth, the energy of life, the energy of the feminine, the energy of my masculine. This is where you can be penetrated with energy, with my energy. Feel my love there. Open that part of the body to be visited like a feminine creature, like a woman … wow!
Some men will not get it and some men will. The skin of the outer labia and the testicles is in fact the same kind of skin. It’s easier than you think to imagine you have a pussy and feel it. Men can get turned on by having both sensations, both organs, and then there’s so much more pleasure and so much more arousal.
There it is: 10 things and practices that can change your life and your lovemaking. I hope you enjoyed it, I certainly loved chatting with Michal about all this and hearing about her experiences …! She’s a special woman — take her tips to heart, she knows her ‘stuff’. And, most importantly: enjoy, explore, play, and have fun!
